[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/tiffandjack/002_-_Youre_Here_to_Win.mp3″ ]What does “winning” even mean. When we say you’re here to win, we mean that you are here to experience every nuance of a joyful life. Every single bit of information you’ve gleaned from your life up to this point gives you a new level of clarity to help you choose even better what you want more or less of. Yes, some of those experiences feel extremely rough and you wonder how in the hell you’ll ever make it through.
We’re here to help you not give up on your dreams, and remind you that they’re coming.
In today’s podcast we share some very personal experiences and how they’re currently impacting our lives in the here-and-now.
I talk about my 215 mile bicycle ride and that when I got to mile 185 I felt like it could very well be the death of me, and Tiff shares her story of living in the grip of serious depression for 8 long years and how living that extreme experience is now giving her more joy and happiness than she ever knew was possible.
This episode will give you a “fly on the wall” of our lives and get the insider view of our day-to-day lives.
Our podcast is devoted to help you dump the overwhelm and live the happy, and remind you that what you want wants you, the Universe has your back implicitly, you’re not alone, and last but definitely not least, life is meant to be delicious, so delicious that everyday can feel like a holiday.
Living authentically has been scary on occasion for Jack and me, especially as public figures. We never know how we’ll be received. We never know who our haters may be.
We live authentic lives because it’s the only path to true happiness.
Happiness is my deepest desire, and I’ll do what ever it takes to be happy.
Living in what another person wants for me makes me feel dead and unhappy. I won’t do it. Ever.
The reason we share our journey is so that YOU might find hope in living your truth. We love our human family, and we’re here as a support to you that want to create loving and abundant lives.
We often talk about our joy and happiness and how blessed we are, which may have left you with the feeling or idea that we’re just lucky and things are always easy.
Life’s not always a cake walk for us.
Being authentic, also means getting real.
Here are some real facts for you…
A year ago Jack’s sister died, and it was devastating. This month also marks the death of his dad, when Jack was 11.
We were terrified to tell the family of Jack’s FTM transition in fear that they would feel like this would be like another death to them. And sure enough there has been talk of exactly that. Now there are just a few in his family that will talk to us. We’ve been wading through much rejection, and it isn’t easy, in fact it’s heartbreaking for Jack and hurts my feelings that I’m not openly accepted or recognized as an important part of Jack’s life.
I think we’re pretty freaking awesome and have a lot of love to give, but we won’t conform to what others think we should be or do, so often it means, we’re out. This SUCKS!
When Jack and I together made the decision for him to transition, I knew it was right, but had to walk in pure faith all the same.
The fears that came up in me were hellacious. My biggest fear would scream that Jack might not want me anymore. I wondered how the testosterone would make him act. What if it made him mean? I was so afraid.
It took me a while to let go of the idea of “Suzi.” But now, it’s just Jack and it all feels so right! Three months in, and I count this transition as the greatest gift of our lives.
There are days I do break down and cry because I feel so tired of the backlash and fear of other people in regards to how I choose to live my life.
“Can’t you see that I’m more happy than I have every been? Why can’t you see me?”
Sometimes the fears that come up with running a business, being the mother of 6 children, running a home, writing articles, making videos, constantly doing my inner work so that I can stay in alignment and teach, and supporting my husband through his changes, is so overwhelming I feel like I’ll be crushed by the illusions I buy into.
Sometimes my fears get the best of me.
If it weren’t for Jack, as my partner in it all, the one who helps me keep perspective, and for all the details he takes care of, I couldn’t do any of this. He truly makes my life run smooth.
He treats me like a queen.
People see how in love we are and think it’s always been like this.
NO ONE has a clue as to what we’ve had to release and what we’ve had to do to be where we are.
It’s true, we’re deeply in love and have an amazing life but only because we’re willing to do the hardest things you could possibly imagine.
We live a life of trusting God and the universe implicitly.
We were both in difficult marriages to other people for 20 years before we found each other.
When we did find each other, we had to let go of every single way we’d always done things, in order to be together.
Do you know what that was like? OMG! There are no words to describe it, a true fire walk of epic proportions.
The great thing about all of this… We now have the answer to the hard question, “How do you create Relationship Bliss?”
This is part of our authenticity. Make no mistake, our life isn’t just a cup of tea.
It takes effort to choose happiness and live it.
What are you willing to do to be happy?
Are you willing to walk into the unknown?
Can you get real with the people around you?
Can you handle a bit of rejection?
If you said yes to these questions, you will have happiness and bliss!
You can start being authentic here, ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH to tell us one thing that others might not know about you? C’mon, please share down below.
Remember you’re not alone in this life. We’re right here with you, wanting to make things easier.
This is an interesting article to write and I appreciate your patience with the length of it.
If you’re offended easily or bothered by frank talk, please leave now. If not, you’re in the right place and let’s get this ride started.
I’ve spent much of my life confused within myself. I felt somehow broken on the inside but didn’t know how to explain it.
I got good at putting on a happy face while living with deep conflict.
Growing up I felt like a boy.
My very best friend in the world was my cousin, and he was just a few weeks younger than me. He and I lived across the pasture from one another, and spent our time riding horses, walking fence rails, playing in the dirt, building makeshift jumps for our bikes, and basically having the time of our lives on a 2,000 acre ranch.
All was well and good until my boobs began to pop out.
My world began to unravel.
I abhorred the way my body was changing.
I always preferred my hair very short. I wore men’s clothing, and spent most of my time in college hanging with the guys (with no sexual interest in them), they were my buds! We skied, hiked, biked, and camped our asses off. Loved that time!
I often said I didn’t want to get married or have kids because it just didn’t resonate with me, something within myself felt very off. (Having said that, I thank God for the kids I gave birth to and the kids by my relationship to Tiff.)
Now I understand why I felt the way I did.
When I married my ex-husband, things got even more clear about me being “broken” somehow.
We got along great as long as we were out on an adventure, but in the bedroom things were terribly wrong.
I lived in a state of shame.
I knew something was “wrong” in my brain, it always felt like I was wired wrong and often said that I felt asexual (which to me meant not identifying with either sex).
The years and years of fighting this “broken” place within, left me feeling hollow.
I knew that after falling in love with Tiffany and still not feeling like a “lesbian” that there was more to my story than met the eye.
I lived in a constant state of earnest contemplation about who and what I was, and what in the f— was wrong with me.
I became very good at pretending to be a girl, a daughter and a wife and mom. I lived in what I thought my duties were, many times shutting down so I could survive and do what needed to be done.
I mostly wore men’s clothing until Tiff and I met, at that point I tried very hard to act more feminine because I was trying everything I knew to figure out what the hell was going on in my head. I was willing to try anything to find myself, but at the end of the day I would always rip my bra off, wash off my make up, and put on sweats and a baseball cap, because that’s how I felt best.
When I first shared my truth with Tiffany, it was upsetting to her, but as we talked about it, our life together started to make sense.
My name is Jack. The name is mine and I’ve always loved it.
Today I know who I am and feel happier than I’ve ever felt before in my life.
I’m transgender…which means that I feel to be a different sex in my mind than what my body is.
The life of a transgender person can be very difficult.
Statistically 60% of transgender people take their lives because of the pain and heartache of never being “seen” for who they are, or for the ostracizing and abuse they endure if people know.
You could try to understand what I’ve lived with by imagining what it would been like to wake up one morning as the opposite sex but feel the way you do right now, and every single day people will call you by the wrong pronouns and treat you differently than you feel.
Tiff and I have had many conversations about all of this and had many tears as we navigated our way through this part of me. It’s been a long long road, but with a very happy “ending” … or should I say “beginning?”
It’s been a very rough road at times.
Tiffany is the greatest advocate and support of me being happy and living in the truth of me. I thank God for her presence in my life, every single day.
Here’s a bit of clarification… being gay is not being transgender, although many transgender people will be called gay because they find themselves in love with a person of the same “gender” as themselves on the outside.
Being transgender is a very different beast. With all the research we’ve done, and lived, I personally believe that transgender people when in utero, simply, for whatever reason, didn’t finish developing into the body that matched their soul. Kind of like a child that was born without an arm or deaf.
After many conversations, tears, and much deep deliberation for the last 2 years, I’ve made the decision to transition. This means I am using hormone therapy (testosterone) to change the sex of my body, so that I can finally be ME.
I started the hormone therapy just over 2 months ago. Tiff gives me a shot in the ass each week. We call it my “man juice.” Ha ha 😉
There’s a myth that testosterone makes people aggressive and violent. That hasn’t been the case for me at all. I feel calmer and so much more clear.
I have a mind/body connection that I haven’t ever experienced before in my life.
Within 2 years you’ll never know I was a girl, when looking at me. Legally I’ll have my name changed to Jack Walker and my sex changed on my birth certificate.
The shifts and changes are happening much faster than I thought they would, which makes me happy.
My voice is shifting very quickly. My muscles are getting stronger and stronger crazy fast. My face shape is changing. My body fat on my legs and arms is going away, and I feel good!
Next year Tiff and I will be getting married as a heterosexual couple. We’ll be Jack and Tiffany Walker: Parents of 6 kids, 1 in-law +, and the cutest grandbaby girl you’ve ever seen.
I wouldn’t ever go back and couldn’t be happier. Even if I knew that everyone I love was angry with me and didn’t want to be a part of my life I would still choose it because I finally feel whole!
We (I say “we” because Tiff and I are 100% in this together) came out yesterday on facebook with a video, and the support and love has been HUGE. Thank you!
What a beautiful surprise.
I am humbled by the positive response to me being my authentic self, thank you for being here.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with being transgender, please forward them this letter and let them know I’d be happy to talk to them. (They can email me at [email protected])
You and everyone else has to “come out” at some point, and maybe even more than once. “Coming out” can mean anything that has to do with you being your authentic self, and sometimes the people you love the most will be the ones that walk away the fastest, and I’m here to say, don’t give up.