It’s Thursday again and here we are, sharing a moment.
Thanks for being here, if you weren’t, it would feel so empty.
When we talk about your “love life,” we’re keenly aware that you may be in a relationship you love, you may be in one you hate, you may not be in one and wanting one, or you may be happy all by your sexy self.
Whichever it is for you, the question, “What do you do to keep your love life alive?” still applies.
We share our own experiences because that’s right where we are, smack dab in the middle of our own relationship, day-in and day-out. (Yes sometimes we’re in the middle of yours too, but only when you’re on the red couch doing some coaching.)
As a caveat, when we say DM (dominant masculine thinker) or DF (dominant feminine thinker) we are in no way saying that you are only one-or-the-other. You have the full spectrum of masculine and feminine inside of you and at different times and places you’ll be more masculine or more feminine. When it comes to your love life with another person, this is where you simply MUST understand what your dominant thinking type is because it takes one-of-each for the passion to sizzle.
Here’s the quiz if you don’t know which type is your dominant…
This is the way I, Jack-the DM, keep our love life alive:
- I listen deep to my DF. Now you may wonder what the hell “listening deep” means, listening deep is paying attention when your DF is talking to you by stopping whatever you’re doing and paying attention (read our last blog to understand this better). This is a big deal with keeping the passion alive between you and your SO (sig other).
- I plan a date night every single Friday night. Does this mean we’ve never had a boring date night, nope, it doesn’t. Occasionally Friday night date night is a damn dud! When I say “plan,” I mean it. Keep it interesting and varied. If you need some good ideas, you’ve got a friend in GOOGLE…use it.
- Whenever I’m out and about I keep my eye open to buy little gifts for Tiff that I know will brighten her day. Sometimes it’s something she needs, other times it’s something that’s simply to surprise and delight her. I love to pay attention to the things she may have run out of and buy her a new one before it’s gone so she won’t have to worry about getting out and getting it bought.
- I make love to her like she’s the QUEEN (because she is). I take my time, lots of it, and infuse her body with pure LOVE. I take the lead in sex and don’t ask her what she wants because I should already know that. If I expect her to tell me what she wants when we’re IN an intimate setting, it turns her off and the mood is shot. If I have questions about what feels good to her, I’ll talk to her about that in casual conversation. The DF wants to know that the DM knows what they (the DM) are doing and what they want. It’s a huge turn on.
- I tell her how beautiful she is and exactly what I love about her. It could be the way her makeup looks or her hair that day. Maybe it’s the way she smells. There’s so much I adore about her that I could go on-and-on. The most important part is that I speak up about it.
- One important thing I do to keep our love life alive is to practice keeping my ego in check and not being defensive. My defensiveness kills a good time faster than you can say “mood-killer.”
- Last but not least, I take care of my health and body, keep a good balance between work and fun, get enough rest, meditate, and eat well most of the time.
The way Tiff-the-DF, keeps our love life alive:
- She makes the most amazing food. I don’t know how she does it, but she does! I love good food, and Tiff rules my world with her cooking.
- Tiff opens herself up to me and allows me to take the lead and to GIVE to her. She’s magnificent at “receiving.” Even when we’ve had a misunderstanding and things get a little heated, Tiff is willing to move through the conflict to resolution and then, of her own volition, she opens her heart to me again. This is a HUGE piece to our love life.
- She willingly goes along with me on new adventures, and tries new things, which means she trusts me to LEAD. It’s a BIG deal!
- She tends to herself in the most delightful ways…her hair, her makeup, her clothing, her scent…all of this keeps passion between alive.
- She takes time for herself doing things she loves to do.
- She tells me how much she appreciates what I do for her, often. This is HUGE! It just makes me want to do more and more and more.
What about you, what do you do? We’d like to hear from you if you’re single, too. Everyone needs to feel loved, so whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, what do you do to feel loved and alive in love?
P.S. If you aren’t in a relationship you love, don’t forget you have the Universe, working in your behalf, to assist you in having what you want. Just ask the Universe to bring it in. What you want, wants you. You are the creator of your world through the thoughts you think, and you too can most definitely have the relationship you want.
Tiff and I know from working with our clients, and our own experience, that everyone gets a little stuck now-and-then when it comes to doing the things that affect positive change in your intimate relationship.
Everyone finds themselves in old ruts and patterns where your relationship begins to feel a bit stale.
Intimate relationship is our specialty and I’m going to make it super simple for you so there’ll be no excuses. I’m going to share 7 simple things that you can do easily, that will instantly rejuvenate your relationship.
The only thing required of you is that you actually take the time to DO it and then repeat (again and again and again…you get the idea).
It’s the LITTLE things that make the BIGGEST difference.
7 LITTLE Things That Make the BIGGEST
Difference in Relationship
1. Listen & Look
How well do you listen to your SO (significant other) when they’re talking to you?
Do you stop what you’re doing and listen carefully to what they’re saying? (Answer this question honestly, please.)
Life gets busy and crazy and it’s very easy to disregard the person talking to you because you have a million other things going on in your head. But this is no excuse, everyone has shit they’re dealing with all the time. And your SO deserves your full attention when they’re talking to you.
And if it’s not a good time for you to give them your full attention, be clear about WHEN would be a better time, and be true to your word and show up when you say you will.
If you want intimacy, passion, great connection and awesome sex with your SO, you MUST listen to them when they’re talking to you, this is a basic foundational piece to your happy relationship puzzle.
When I say listen, I mean REALLY LISTEN. Don’t be trying to figure out what to say while they’re talking, just listen to them without interrupting or being distracted by a million other things. It sounds so simple, but why the hell are so many of us continually distracted when listening to another person, especially our PERSON.
Here’s your assignment: When your SO is talking to you, stop what you’re doing and pay attention, LOOK into their eyes, and really LISTEN. Looking into their eyes gives you clues about them and how they’re feeling and doing at that moment (this is very important information for you).
Oh, and please put your damn phone down, it can wait!
We live in a culture and country where touching each other is minimal. Go visit Spain or Italy or a myriad of other countries and notice how every person you meet is kissing you on the cheeks, hugging you and breathing your scent in, and here in America, you’re lucky if you get eye contact.
Let’s break this barrier down, baby.
When you walk past your person, you know the one that brings you to your knees in the most delicious way, reach out and touch them every time they’re within reach.
You don’t have to throw them to the floor and make love every time you see them (I mean you can if that’s what you both want), but what I’m saying is simply reach your arm out towards your lover and brush them on the shoulder or kiss them on the cheek as you walk past them.
It’s not hard and it feels good.
If you’re watching TV together at the end of a long day, sit close enough to touch so you can smell their perfume or cologne and reach out and caress their hand or hair.
Touch saves lives. Babies that go without touch can actually die because of it.
Everyone needs to feel the touch of someone that they love and loves them back.
Touching your SO as you move past them says, “I love you and see you.”
It’s simple! And makes all the difference.
3. Live Your Passion
Are you doing something you love, every single day? Something that opens you up and gives you the opportunity to be more of Who You Really Are?
It could be yoga, tai chi, dancing, gardening, going for a run, listening to music that makes you feel alive, walking the dog, taking a hot bubble bath, meditating, writing, reading, etc… just do it.
If you will do something that you feel passionate about each and every day, you’ll be more of yourself and more open to be loved by your SO. You’ll feel more fulfilled and your heart will be more open to the world around you.
If you’re struggling finding something that lights your fire, ask the Universe or your Angels to help you find it or it to find you, and trust me, you will.
You living your passion is “tending to yourself” and that makes all the difference for a happier relationship.
4. Ask Questions
When you learn to really listen to another person (especially your SO), you’ll have part of the relationship figured out.
Another part is engaging with your person by asking them questions about what they’re sharing. Now if they’re sharing something that’s deeply interesting to you, you’ll have tons of questions pop up. Go right ahead and ask away, engage with your SO.
But when your SO is sharing something more personal and talking about their feelings or thoughts, this is where you ask THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
- Ask the DF (dominant feminine thinker): “How does that make you feel?”
- Ask the DM (dominant masculine thinker): “What do you think about that?”
When you ask this question, you’re sure to learn something new about your person that you didn’t know. And the more you know about each other, the easier it is to say and do things for them that make a huge difference for good.
For example because I pay attention and want to know Tiff’s likes and dislikes, I know that she does NOT like ice cream (except very occasionally she wants a soft serve twist cone…without the cone of course) so now when I want to bring a treat home for her I will bring caramels, pomegranate seeds (already shelled), or the old standby, a Reese’s Crunchy Big Peanut Butter Cup. All because I listen.
Listening pays off in HUGE ways.
Oh and don’t try to finish their sentences because you THINK you know what they’re going to say (I’ve been so guilty of this and can tell you I’m getting better and better at zipping my f—— lip). Rarely will you get it right so just be quiet and listen.
The DF wants to know that they captivate you and that they’re seen. The DM wants to know that they are appreciated for what they do.
And one last thing, don’t be the one doing ALL of the talking, ALL of the time, it gets really boring. It takes 2 to tango.
Asking questions and paying attention helps you love each other so much better.
Try it, you might like it…or LOVE it!
5. Kiss Like You Mean It!
I couldn’t EVER write an article about the simple things you can do to make a big difference in your relationship, without bringing up kissing, now can I?!!
Kissing is vital.
When is the last time you kissed your SO in a way that stopped them in their tracks and it was all they could do to keep from falling over? If it has been longer than 24 hours, repent, and go find them right now and kiss them like you mean it, damn it!
When you’re kissing, just kiss, without distractions getting in the way.
Don’t think about the bills that need paying, or where you’re going next, just kiss… long and deep and FEEL it all the way through your body right down to your toes.
Kissing costs nothing and the returns are HUGE.
Go kiss someone you’re in love with, today. And if the one you lives across the country, write them a note and tell them how kissing them makes you feel.
6. No Story Telling
No, I’m not talking about sharing funny stories about your day or anything like that. I’m talking about the stories we tell ourselves about what we THINK the other person means when they ask you a question, make a comment, or give you that certain look.And let me tell you I’m the perfect person to be writing about this. The stories I’ve told myself about what I think Tiff is saying underneath her words creates conflict between us faster than a speeding bullet.
Maybe your SO walks into the room you’re sitting in, watching Outlander (awesome series about past lives, Scottish men in kilts, and lots of sex) or another show you love, and they give you “the look,” you know “the look” and instantly you jump into defensive mode and get your feelings hurt because you feel like you’re being judged in some way, only to have your SO then explain that she/he had a question about something wholly unrelated to you doing some wrong.
When we assume we know what the other person is thinking and make up a story about it, we’ll always get into trouble, and have to deal with a new conflict.
Stop the story telling, plain and simple.
This is where asking questions is vital to your happiness.
7. Speak your mind
No I’m not talking about telling your SO every single thing they do that makes you want to jump up and down in anger, I’m talking about sharing the things you LOVE about your SO.Oftentimes we may think in our mind how sexy we find our SO, or how good they smell or how much we appreciate the fact that they scraped the snow off our car and warmed it up for us before leaving for work. Instead of keeping this thought in your mind only, open your sexy mouth, and let it out. Speak it to your ONE.
Kind words of love and appreciation go a very LONG way.
I know that for me (the DM) when Tiff says to me how much she appreciates the fact that I bring her treats, or that I have thrown a load of laundry in or getting the bills paid, it makes me want to be better and do more.
The DM loves to know that what they’re doing is making a positive difference in the life of their DF.
And the DF needs to know how sexy you find them. Does the way they smell just turn you on? And make you want to eat them for dinner?? Then tell them!
When you look at your DF and the clothes they’re wearing or the way they’ve done their makeup or hair revs your engine, open your mouth and tell them. The DF wants to know they slay you, that they’re captivating and have your attention.
It’s so simple.
Say the positive things you think about each other TO each other.
The little things make the biggest difference!
Thanks for reading to the end, I know you’re serious about being happy in your relationship, and that you’re willing to do whatever you can to make things better and better.
Sending you every good thing.
P.S. And if all of these acronyms confuse you, please take the quiz by clicking the yellow button below, it’s the perfect place to start understanding our blog and yourself better.