How open is your heart, dear sweet DF?
Do you “Love Wide Open?”
Right now in this very moment, pause and ask yourself, “is my heart wide open, or is it closed off?”
I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re not as open as you’d like to be.
Being vulnerable and “Loving Wide Open” hasn’t always been my cup of tea either. In fact, there’ve been times in my life when I’ve prided myself on how kind I am, unless someone treats me poorly.
I’ve prided myself on being able to defend my stand and speak from a place of strength and fierceness as to not allow anyone to ever hurt me.
What I was really saying is, “You can’t hurt me because I won’t let you into my heart space.” In fact, I would close it up as tight as a drum.
Living much of my life with a closed heart, afraid of the next hurt, plum tuckered me out.
As a DF (dominant feminine) our prime directive is to love and be loved.
To not allow love, is to deny the very essence of who we are, which makes it impossible to live as our authentic selves.
There are a couple of reasons why I felt the need to live in a defensive, ready-to-fight stance.
One of which was being raised in a family of very strong women that had a belief system that people will hurt you or use you, most especially men, if you let them.
And second, being the recipient of different kinds of abuse in my life, left me guarded and on high alert for any signs of danger.
Early on I learned to live “Heart Closed.”
When someone treated me poorly (or even showed signs that they MIGHT) I was ready to defend my point and to brush them off easily, because I never really let them in.
What I didn’t realize is that by living “Heart Closed” I was robbing myself of love connections that would feel amazing and honoring my beauty as a being of love on a deeper level.
I was also wearing myself out waiting for the next uncomfortable situation. (Can you say living a life of prevention? Ugh!!)
As long as things were on my terms I felt safe, which meant heart closure.
Now I choose to “Love WIDE Open.”
But to do that I had to get real with myself and own how I really felt about things.
It seemed nearly impossible to admit that I wanted to have deeper relationships and love people openly.
It felt scary to admit that I needed Jack’s help and guidance.
I couldn’t imagine ever allowing anyone to see me cry or have hurt feelings.
If I allowed any of that they could kick me while I was down.
The thought of not defending myself, fighting back, or stating my strong opinion made me fear that I would look and feel weak, and therefore be defenseless and open to no-less-than-profound hurts.
But much to my beautiful surprise I’ve found the most delicious peace and joy as I allow my heart to “Love Wide Open.”
I called on my courage to do something different, to feel something new, to allow myself to just be.
The greatest secret I’ve ever learned is that I have nothing to defend, and love disarms hate.
I’m a being of love and it’s as simple as that.
If someone is unkind to me, misunderstands me, or doesn’t agree with me its OKAY. That’s their story.
If I’m in an uncomfortable situation I have a voice and a choice and I can simply walk away.
Putting the fight down has been the best choice of my life.
Allowing my emotions to move through me and honoring the love that I am has empowered me and freed me in my authenticity.
Accepting that I need help and support from others has been a gift and affords me to love more.
Sharing my personality and feelings brings more laughter and connection with others into my experience, and it’s the very fuel that gives me zest and verve to live a life of happiness and anticipation!
For me it’s simple… I choose to “Love Wide Open” because, LOVE just feels so good.
What makes it easier for you to live with a heart wide open?
And on the other hand, what makes it feel like you can’t?
We are in this thing together.
Peace & Sparkles,
Before I begin, I would like to humbly and gratefully thank the many teachers I’ve learned from through the years about what to do and what not to do in relationship.
My heart deeply grateful for the most influential teacher and masculine presence in my life… Jack.
The relationship I’ve been in with Jack has taught me more about myself and my own captivating beauty than any other.
I hold this learning as sacred and dear for it has brought me back to myself and my own feminine joy.
I have also come to understand the brilliance of the dominant masculine (DM). The masculine presence is the excitement and passion in my life.
Ok buckle up, let’s get down to bidness shall we?
In all the years Jack and I have spent coaching such amazing, brilliant peeps, I’ve never talked to a DF (Dominant Feminine) that doesn’t want to experience deep intimacy and sexual passion in his/her primary relationship.
There is one thing that you MUST understand and put into action every single day in order to experience sexual passion and intimacy with your significant other (SO).
To know what that is, please keep reading.
It takes two to tango, baby.
Having a DF and DM together in a relationship is what creates Sexual Polarity.
Sexual polarity is the magical energetic force of passion and intimacy that vibrates between the masculine and feminine thus creating the flow of sexual chemistry.
It’s literally like the positive and negative sides of a magnet coming together. They just can’t help themselves, they’ve got to touch.
Now if you are trying to force two positives or two negatives together, they repel each other.
If there are two DM’s or two DF’s together in a relationship, there will be no sexual polarity. You will actually feel sexually repelled.
This is why the force of attraction sometimes fades away in relationships.
If you want REAL and LASTING passion you must have a giver and a receiver, or in other words a DM(-) and an DF(+), otherwise you’ll have two friendly roommates having sex out of duty or avoiding it all together.
If what you’re reading triggers you, read on dear one, we have answers.
If you don’t have sexual polarity it doesn’t mean that you aren’t great friends and you don’t love each other, but it does mean the sexual passion will dissolve if it hasn’t already.
This will eventually lead to the breaking down of your relationship, robbing you of intimacy and sexual expression.
Some people feel okay not having intimacy or sexual connection in their relationship, and for those people this blog probably won’t speak to them.
But for those of you that DO want passion and intimacy in your relationship, you’re definitely in the right place.
Speaking about sex and polarity, that brings to mind the caveman. Bam! Bam!!
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine that said, “I just want my husband to act like a caveman and crack me over the head with his club, drag me into a cave, and TAKE me!”
Now that’s some sexual polarity! Yes it’s true, those caveman moments certainly are exhilarating! LOL
The conversation I had with my friend reminded me of all the ways I see what a goner Jack is when s/he sees me, and I know without a doubt that s/he’s totally captivated and smitten by me being my feminine energy self.
RelationTip # 1: The driving force of the DF is to be captivating.
When I feel captivating (wanted, heard, seen) there’s nothing I can’t do because life feels exciting and hopeful.
When I don’t feel captivating or desirable, life feels like a damn drag. In fact it just sucks!
RelationTip # 2: Captivating your SO is a no-brainer when they’re your polar opposite energy.
RelationTip # 3: Body parts do NOT determine Dominant Energy.
Being my sexy captivating feminine self includes daily self-attention.
I adorn myself.
I love to look tantalizing.
I see my face and body as a canvas of creative expression.
I wear clothes that match my personality.
I love all of the vibrant color and texture I add to my canvas.
I have created my own perfume with sensual oils that I wear every day, and I keep my skin soft with coconut oil.
I LOVE my baths and get to the gym often.
I take pride in being a homemaker, mother and business owner.
Doing these things bring immense joy to me and oh boy is Jack captivated!
Honestly there’s no better feeling than when Jack come home for lunch, and gasps when s/he sees me! Talk about feeling cherished. 😉
What do you do to express your feminine self? What do you adorn yourself with? What are your sacred rituals? Come on, please share with us.
If you haven’t thought about this before, take some time, and think of creative ways to express yourself in your feminine essence.
Nothing is more captivating to the DM than a DF that takes joy in creating beauty and adorning themselves through creative expression.
I would love to hear some of your ideas.
Here’s to another beautiful week of being captivating! Ha!
Now I’m off to make our son’s birthday cake. Happy Birthday, Anders!
Peace & Sparkles,
We are asked all the time, “Are you really as happy as you look?” Our answer is a resounding, “YES!”
Does that mean we don’t ever have conflict? Nope.
We understand and live the masculine/feminine dynamic and have the communication tools to work through any issue that comes up.
The result is a life of wild, passion-filled intimacy.
We know that there is an epidemic of relationship breakdown happening, and it’s our happy pleasure to make a huge difference in your life.
If you are feeling alone and struggle to live out as your vulnerable self, we are here to help.
When you were young, were you excited about a life of rainbows and sparkles? What happened??
I died once. Yes, it’s true. I lived dead for a long time.
Please don’t feel sad for me, I was revived.
This rebirth is the greatest story of my life.
As I look on my revival it is plain see what was happening. I was being healed and liberated by a powerful presence in my life, I call her, Jack (or Suzi, as you know her).
I had no idea that another person held the keys to my liberation.
Each person born comes with a dominant feminine energy or a dominant masculine energy. Yes, we do have both inside of us, but one of them will be dominant. In relationship, it takes opposite energies coming together to create passion, balance, and healing in each other.
Masculine and feminine energy have nothing to do with body parts.
There are both masculine men and women, just as there are feminine men and women. And for your information, a feminine man does not mean a gay man and a masculine woman doesn’t mean a gay woman.
It’s all about energy.
I am a dominant feminine energy, and Jack is a dominant masculine energy, and this is our love story.
My death was slow in coming, all-in-all it took about 36 years for me to take my last breath.
I realized I was lifeless when I was sitting on my couch at over 300 pounds with a heart monitor strapped to my chest, while my feelings of utter desperation turned to numb blankness.
I had forgotten that I wanted to live.
This began when I was very young. All I wanted to do was whirl and twirl in my yellow princess dress while giggling, day dreaming, and chattering.
I wanted to be admired and praised. I so desperately wanted to be captivating and pleasing. I loved to flit around as though I was walking on air. I was full of emotion and I begged for movement.
I craved the feeling of unabashed freedom so I rode my bike fast as the wind whipped through my wild hair and kissed my cheeks.
Everything felt so mystical and sparkly.
However, as many of us do, I found myself in the middle of unexpected tragedy.
I took off my princess dress.
The sparkles faded, and I forgot about whimsy.
Sadness stole my memories of magic and it was getting harder and harder to recall. I would still ride my bike on occasion to try to remember.
Let’s fast-forward 30 years shall we?
Living most of my life in less than ideal conditions, I found myself walking into Overeater’s Anonymous feeling sick, fat, and ashamed of my reflection. This was my last ditch effort to save my life.
The revival began . . . this is where I found my Jack.
Oh Jack, you saved my life!
You took my wilted heart and breathed new life into it by saying 3 simple words, “I see you.”
For the next three years we were inseparable. We talked and talked and talked. I learned so much about myself at that time. I began to remember the Magic! I was being awakened.
I don’t think Jack knew that she was healing me by asking how I felt about this and that, and actually being interested in what I said.
I don’t think Jack understood that every time she said she believed in me, that it made it possible for me to go off all of my medications for depression and arthritis.
I don’t think Jack realized that by her adoring me, I started to release weight.
I don’t think Jack equated her strength and confidence as the very platform that made it possible for me to feel safe enough to live vulnerable and empowered.
I know for a fact that Jack had no idea that standing strong in her masculine presence made it possible for me to feel safe enough to allow my feminine essence to breath again.
Living in my vulnerable empowered feminine essence feels so bright and sparkly.
What an unexpected surprise to fall in love with magic again.
I had no idea the presence of the masculine could heal my life.
The Masculine carries the gifts that heal the Feminine, and the Feminine does the same for the Masculine.
“Thank you Jack, I give myself to you every day forever and for always.”
Peace & Sparkles,