[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/tiffandjack/049_Self_Care_-_The_Benefits_Will_Surprise_You_-_5-31-18_4.20_PM.mp3″ ]Today’s episode is about self-care, but let’s just call it self-pleasure. We say “pleasure” because when you’re practicing self-care, it cannot be something you’re doing because it will give you a good after effect. It needs to be something that feels good WHILE you’re doing it.
We share the 6 benefits of quality daily self-care and a whole bunch of self-care/pleasure tips. We would love to see you do a minimum of 1 thing a day, but prefer you do 3 things a day, every day of the week that bring you pleasure, personally. It’s all about you today, baby!
[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/tiffandjack/007_What_You_Want_Wants_You.mp3″ ]Do you believe that what you want matters, and that you can have it? Have you possibly resigned yourself to a life of taking the leftovers after everyone else is done? We’ve got great news for you today, in fact we have 9 questions for you to ask yourself, and if you can answer these questions, you’ll find yourself feeling empowered and in charge. You’ll be living “the happy,” as we love to say.
Today’s podcast we go in depth into each one of these 9 questions and help you understand them and how to find your “YES!”
What kind of life do you want?
Are you willing to do what it takes to have that life?
Are you willing to get up every single day and take steps toward what you’re creating?
Are you willing to walk through every fear that comes up that tells you why you can’t or shouldn’t have what you want?
Are you willing to questions everything you think you know so that you can see more?
Are you willing to do things that may disappoint other people because you’re choosing something different than their expectations of you?
Are you willing to celebrate who you really are in spite of rejection?
Are you willing to experience joy, laughter and fun every day?
Are you willing to trust the Universe implicitly and know that it has your back and will bring everything you want into your reality if you’ll allow it?
We’re here to help you dump the overwhelm and live the happy!
There definitely has been some hate being spewed in the good ole United States of America with the past election.
Remember that infinite possibilities are alive and well, as we keep your eye on what we WANT our country to be, the Universe will continue to work its magic.
While we’re talking about changing the world, it’s important to realize that where it all begins is with YOU.
You-loving-you is the most important part of everything else.
And you-loving-you doesn’t just magically happen. You must know yourself…really know yourself, to love yourself.
We have 5 simple questions to ask yourself to help you do just that.
Check out the video for the questions.
We’re so glad you’re here, and if there’s any topic you’d like to have discussed, we would love to hear about it. Simply leave us a comment or find us on facebook and let us know. Maybe we’ll even do a facebook live video all about it.
We know that everyone gets stuck now-and-then when it comes to doing things that affect positive change in your intimate relationship.
Everyone finds themselves in old ruts and patterns where your relationship begins to feel a bit, well…stale. The Modern Relationship is a whole new ballgame, all of the “old” rules no longer apply.
Intimate relationship is our specialty and we’re going to make it super simple for you. Here are 7 things that you can do easily, that will instantly spark passion in your relationship.
The only thing required, is that you actually take the time to do it.
1. LOOK & LISTEN
How well do you listen to your SO (significant other) when they’re talking to you? Come on be honest now.
Do you stop what you’re doing, look at them right in the eyeballs, and listen carefully to what they’re saying?
Life gets busy and crazy and it’s very easy to disregard the person talking to you because you have a million other things on your mind. This is no excuse folks, everyone has crap they’re dealing with all the time.
Your SO deserves your full attention when they’re talking to you.
If it’s not a good time for you to chat, be clear on WHEN would be a better time, and stick to your word.
If you want intimacy, passion, and awesome sex w/your SO, you MUST listen when they speak, this is a basic foundational piece to your happy relationship puzzle.
Don’t try to figure out what to say while they’re talking.
Don’t interrupt them.
Don’t get distracted looking at your phone or TV.
Your assignment: When your SO is talking to you, stop what you’re doing STARE into their eyes, and really LISTEN.
2. TOUCH ME PLEASE!!
We live in a culture and country where touching each other is minimal. Go visit Spain, Italy or a myriad of other countries and notice how every person you meet is either kissing you on the cheeks or hugging you and breathing your scent in. Here in America, you’re lucky if you get eye contact.
Let’s break this barrier down, shall we?!
Everyone needs to feel the touch of someone they love and that loves them. It says, “I love you and want you.”
When you walk past your person, reach out and touch them every time they’re within reach.
We’re not saying you have to throw them to the floor and make love every time you see them (well, you can if that’s what you both want), but we are saying it’s extremely beneficial to reach your arm out towards your lover and brush them on the shoulder or kiss them on the cheek as you walk past them.
It’s not hard and it feels good.
When you’re watching TV together at the end of a long day, sit close enough to touch so you can smell their perfume or cologne and reach out and caress their hand or hair.
Touch saves lives. Babies that go without touch can actually die because of it and so can a relationship.
It’s simple! And makes all the difference.
3. DO WHAT YOU LOVE
Are you doing something you love, every single day? Something that opens you up and gives you the opportunity to be more of Who You REALLY Are?
It could be yoga, tai chi, dancing, gardening, going for a run, listening to music that makes you feel alive! Maybe it’s walking the dog, hiking, lifting weights, meditating, writing, reading, etc… just do it.
If you will do something that you feel passionate about each and every day, you’ll be more of yourself and more open to give and receive love. You’ll feel more fulfilled and your heart will be wide open to the world around you.
(If you’re struggling finding something that lights your fire, ask the Universe or your Angels to help you find it or it to find you, and trust us, you will.)
When you’re in conversation with your SO ask them questions about what they’re sharing. This is easy if they’re sharing something that’s deeply interesting to you, you’ll have tons of questions pop up. But when your SO is sharing something more personal and talking about their feelings or thoughts it can be more difficult, but this is where you ask THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.
Ask the DF (dominant feminine thinker): “How does that make you feel?”
Ask the DM (dominant masculine thinker): “What do you think about that?”
When you ask this question, you’re sure to learn something new about your person that you didn’t know. And the more you know about each other, the easier it is to say and do things for them that make a huge difference.
For example, because I (Jack) pay attention and want to know Tiff’s likes and dislikes, I know that she does NOT like ice cream (except very occasionally she wants a soft serve twist cone…without the cone of course) so now when I want to bring a treat home for her I will bring caramels, pomegranate seeds (already shelled), or the old standby, a Reese’s Crunchy Big Peanut Butter Cup. All because I listen.
Listening pays off in HUGE ways.
Oh and don’t try to finish their sentences because you THINK you know what they’re going to say (I’ve (Jack) been so guilty of this and can tell you I’m getting better and better at zipping my f—— lip). Rarely will you get it right so just zip the lip and pay attention.
TOP SECRET INFO:
The DF wants to know that they captivate you and that they’re desired. The DM wants to know that they please you and are appreciated for what they do.
5. KISS ME DEEP
We couldn’t EVER write an article about the simple things you can do to make a big difference in your relationship, without bringing up kissing, now can we?!!
Kissing is vital.
When is the last time you kissed your SO in a way that stopped them in their tracks? If it has been longer than 24 hours, REPENT NOW! Go find them right now and kiss them like you mean it, damn it!
When you’re kissing, KISS DEEP and take your time.
Don’t think about bills, or what you need to get done, just kiss… and FEEL it all the way through your body right down to your toes.
6. STOP THE BULLSHIT
Stop telling yourself stories!!! We tell ourselves about what we THINK the other person means when they ask you a question, make a comment, or give you that certain look. The stories we tell ourselves creates conflict faster than a speeding bullet. Wow!
Maybe your SO walks into the room you’re sitting in, watching Outlander (an awesome series about past lives, Scottish men in kilts, and lots of sex) or another show you love, and they give you “the look,” you know “the look” and instantly you jump into defensive mode and get your shorts in a knot because you feel like you’re being judged in some way, only to have your SO then explain that she/he had a question about something wholly unrelated to you doing some wrong. Can you say, “Asshat?”
When we assume we know what the other person is thinking and make up a story about it, we’ll always get into trouble, and have to deal with a new conflict. No thank you I would rather not.
Stop the story telling, plain and simple.
This is where asking questions is vital to your happy relationshipping.
7. JUST SAY IT
No we’re not talking about telling your SO every single thing they do that pisses you off, we’re talking about sharing the things you LOVE about your SO. Oftentimes we think in our mind how sexy we find our SO, or how good they smell or how much we appreciate the fact that they scraped the snow off our car and warmed it up for us before leaving for work. Instead of keeping this thought in your mind only, open your sexy mouth, and let it out. Speak it to your ONE.
Kind words of love and appreciation go a very LONG way.
I know that for me (the DM) when Tiff says to me how much she appreciates the fact that I bring her treats, or that I have thrown a load of laundry in or getting the bills paid, it makes me want to be better and do more.
The DM loves to know that what they’re doing is making a positive difference in the life of their DF.
And the DF needs to know how sexy you find them. Does the way they smell just turn you on? And make you want to eat them for dinner?? When you look at your DF and the clothes they’re wearing or the way they’ve done their makeup or hair revs your engine, open your mouth and tell them. The DF wants to know they slay you, that they’re captivating and have your attention.
It’s just so simple.
Say the positive things you think about each other TO each other!
Here’s a quick recap…
LOOK & LISTEN
TOUCH ME PLEASE
DO WHAT YOU LOVE
KISS ME DEEP
STOP THE BULLSHIT
JUST SAY IT
There you have it! Now go be amazing!!!
Sending you every good thing.
Tiff & Jack
P.S. We’re delighted to share some of the juicy insider secrets about our “modern” relationship. We’ll also help you understand why it’s critical for you to know if you’re more masculine thinking or more feminine thinking and why having one of each is the only way to have wild passion in your relationship. CLICK THE YELLOW BOX FOR YOUR FREE GIFT…
I’m continually open to know what the topic for today’s blogpost is going to be and this one was no exception. Last week I talked about the beautiful, creative, color-filled DF (dominant feminine thinker) energy and how easy it is to love.
This week the DM (dominant masculine thinker) keeps coming to mind. What does it look like to live as a DM?
I’ve been seeing so clearly how my way of being a DM directly impacts the sexy DF in my life (yes, that would be Tiffany I’m talking about…as if you didn’t already know that). 😉
I’ve come a long way with cherishing Tiff’s feelings and treating her in a way that gives her the opportunity to live with a heart wide open, unafraid to express her wild and lovely self.
Today I’m speaking more to the DM, because I have some things to say to you.
We tag today’s intimate relationship with the word “modern.”
We call it “modern” because we have left gender roles FAR BEHIND. There’s no place for them here. You see, you may be a man and a dominant feminine thinker. You may be a woman and a dominant masculine thinker. You may be gay, straight or transgender. You may be pansexual (you love the person “inside” not their gender). I could go on-and-on because there are a million new labels and terminology to help us understand one another even better. It doesn’t matter what your label is, you have feminine and masculine characteristic thoughts and traits inside of you, of which you may draw upon in different circumstances at at different times, but one of those will most often be dominant.
The #1 place that requires your understanding of the DM/DF world is in your intimate relationship. One person must be expressing more masculine and one expressing more feminine in order to experience sexual chemistry, powerful attraction, and wild passion. Tiff and I talk endlessly to this point…it’s the truth, and makes all the difference in relationship.
We want to make it easy and clear for you to understand yourself and your relationship even better.
Now, it’s important to understand your own dominant energy and what feels the best to you. Most people will be one or the other more dominant (however there are a few people that exress both evenly and usually won’t be looking for intense sexual pleasure and attraction to the other person, they’ll simply enjoy being more like roommates. This is just fine if that’s what you want. We want you to have what you want.
For me, the burning desire for intense physical chemistry between myself and Tiff, feels the best. This is what I want and this is what I have. It hasn’t come easily until we figured ourselves out and what made our relationship the sweet nectar that it is.
You must be wondering why I titled this post, “The birth of our baby…,” I’m getting there, stick with me.
Being there for the birth of grand baby Tulip was one of the most sacred experiences I’ve ever had. Yes, I birthed 4 babies (and I’m a man…pretty impressive huh! That’s part of what being transgender has given me…I have a deep understanding of both sides of the equation), and never in my life did I know what it would feel like to stand next to our beautiful daughter, Victoria as she brought little Tulip (her given name is Ember but we call her Tulip) into the world. I had the rare privilege of standing right next to Victoria, holding one of her legs while she gave every single ounce of strength she had to bring this beautiful baby into the world.
As I watched her push and push and push, and the doctor telling her to push harder and not stop, I wondered if she could take it. Victoria’s face was deep red, she was sweating, and straining, and giving what appeared to be her very life…I could see Ember’s head beginning to crown and I knew that Victoria didn’t know how close she was, I kept reassuring her that she could do this, and how strong and amazing she was, that she was so close to having the baby here, if she could just push as hard as she could a few seconds longer, she would have the relief that seemed to me to be a life or death matter.
My eyes and mind beheld the power of Woman, and I was overcome by the magnificence of it all.
Our daughter, giving birth to our granddaughter and I was right there, bird’s eye view, keeping sweet Victoria at the top of my attention and seeing our baby having a baby, never will I be the same man I was before that moment. The sacredness of life showing itself to me, right in front of my face.
Drawing upon my own experience of having babies and wondering how close I was when I pushing with all of my strength and not knowing for sure if I could make it, I knew how to talk to Victoria and tell her what I could see, that I knew she was seconds away, if she could just keep pushing a few seconds more she’d be done and have her baby in her arms. “Give it all you’ve got Victoria, the baby’s head is coming out, you’ve got this sweetheart, just a few seconds more…”
There’s nothing else that wakes us up like the love we feel for each other.
Yesterday after visiting with our almost 10 month old, Tulip and her mama, Tiff shared again how much it meant to her to watch me standing and encouraging Victoria as she gave birth, and it was then that I realized this would be the topic of today’s post.
The DF doesn’t want to be treated like a comrade and partner in crime, they want to be cherished and held, and reminded that they aren’t alone, that they’re beautiful and strong and capable. That they capture our hearts. That our hearts and minds and bodies are right there with them whether they’re birthing a child, a new book, or a piece of art, and that we’re they’re greatest advocate and support.
That we SEE and understand their courageous, colorful, and oftentimes emotional, approach to life.
The DF wants to know how she/he colors our world, how they make a difference to us.
Being a DM is knowing that you have what it takes to give comfort and love to the DF.
Knowing and understanding your own personal power is a place of safety and strength for the DF to hold onto when her/his world feels ever-changing and without continuity. The DM is a place that doesn’t shift and change with every wind that comes along. This solid knowing that you can do this, is like the star to the wandering ship upon the sea of change.
The DF is ever moving and changing and feels comfort and safety with the DM that can look into their eyes and remind them that everything will come together just fine, “Just one more push, and you’ll feel so much better.”
As a DM you may wonder how to find your strength…let me tell you a little secret…it’s inside of you, and has always been there. If you believe in God, or the Universe, or your Higher Self, and you’re feeling less than solid, ask for assistance to see Who You Really Are, and to live from that place.
You can indeed do this. The whole world waits for you to do this. You’re the one we’re waiting for.
Practice knowing that you have what it takes. I’m telling you, it’s a mindset, and you get to choose it or not. You can feel like a failure and like you’re a piece of trash if you want to, or you can CHOOSE to live as your arrow-like self, on a straight path of power and purpose.
The DF knows you have what it takes, do you?
And I say it one more time . . . It’s a choice.
Believe me I know, I choose it every single day.
I choose to live from my place of wholeness, knowing that no matter what door seems to close, another door is always opening. I choose to trust that God always has my back. I know that I get every single thing I want. Did someone give this knowing to me?? Nope, I choose to know this, and I do.