You may think that Tiff and I never argue or get into conflict.
You’d be mistaken.
Over the past 9 years we’ve been together we’ve worked through MANY conflicts. Some very big and some very small, with a few in between.
Yep, we’re human.
Sorry to burst your bubble like this.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Well, in all of their pictures on facebook, they look so happy and in love.”
Have you ever found yourself dreaming of the day when you have a relationship that feels good all the time? Where there’s no drama or conflict to work through?
The truth is, being in a relationship will be the hardest work you ever do, and the highest of highs and the lowest of lows will be experienced.
So if you find yourself wishing for that day when you live in BLISS, remember the dog days will rear their ugly heads and when that happens, remember this, “Tiff and Jack said they have days like this too, and they work through it, so I know I can too.”
We want you to know that it’s okay to feel like crap some days, and to wonder how in the hell you’ll ever make it through the latest *brouhaha (I just love this word) you’re facing.
a noisy and overexcited reaction or response to something.
“24 members resigned over the brouhaha”
In today’s DIY RelationTips video, Tiff and I are getting real, raw, and relevant, and give you the 3 steps necessary to move from wanting to throttle your “other” to feeling that delicious connectivity you love so much.
As you can see, it’s not easy, but it is simple to move from pissed to blissed.
It’s 3 simple steps just like we outlined in the video.
How do you manage your anger? What do you do to calm yourself so that you can move into resolution with your SO (significant other)? Inquiring minds would like to know, share right below this post.
P.S. Know of anyone struggling in their relationship? Please forward this email to your best friends — or anyone who could use a boost of encouragement and direction.
I don’t know about you but the last time I found myself in a position needing to apologize (which was just this morning…but more on that in a minute) I was saying “I’m sorry….BUT.”
Needless to say, my BUT got in the way.
Does your BUT ever get in the way?
As a quick reminder from me (the DM – dominant masculine), we have a million and one reasons why we do everything and anything.
When it comes to owning up to our own s***, and saying sorry, we get a little pig-headed sometimes.
“I’m sorry, BUT…” is translated as, “I don’t really care about your feelings I just want to PROVE why I’m not responsible for my poor behavior or making you feel worse.
I know that you (the DF – dominant feminine) may get tired of hearing the apologies but at the same time it really does matter because when there’s an apology without an excuse attached, it actually gives you hope that there’s some care and concern for your feelings.
Back to my morning snafu.
Tiff and I were having a conversation when Tiff mentioned she didn’t know what I thought about something that I’d been sharing with her and instead of me clarifying, I said, “I already told you, but I’ll tell you again, because you didn’t hear me.”
What I was really saying was, “you don’t listen to me and so I will do you a ‘favor’ and say it again.” (Damn rude!)
Now mind you, I had a million-and-one excuses for my accusatory comment but suffice it to say, me just saying, “I’m sorry for saying that the way I did, it’ not my intention to make you feel bad but I realize that’s exactly what I did with my thoughtless comment, please forgive me.”
A little food for thought.
Everyone does stupid stuff sometimes. There’s no getting around that.
Remember, when you’re apologizing (whether you are the DM or the DF) leave the BUTS out of it.
It makes all the difference.
P.S. How does it make you feel when your SO (significant other) apologizes without any excuses? I’d love to know.
P.P.S. Also if you haven’t taken the quiz already to determine whether you think more like a masculine or more like a feminine, take the quiz right here:
You probably have a pretty good idea of what someone acting butt-hurt looks like, but today I’m going to paint the picture especially for you.
Being the masculine half of the Tiff & Jack duo, I have firsthand experience with being butt-hurt.
I know when Tiff says to me, “Can I share something,” my ego is in trouble, which of course is the precursor to the infamous butt-hurt moments.
I hate acting butt-hurt, it’s a damn pain in the ass. My ego gets all up-in-arms wanting to prove why “I’m right, and they’re wrong.”
May I get even a bit more personal with you?
The other morning I had showered, eaten breakfast, taken the dog for a walk, kissed Tiff’s sweet lips, and headed out the door ready for a great day of building our website and working on our online relationship program.
I had just dropped our son off at school and was getting ready to drive to the office, happy about getting such an early start, when the infamous *ding ding* chimed on my iPhone, I look down and see Tiffany’s name and instantly I realized I had dropped the ball.
Oh, it gets worse!
The day before I had lovingly told Tiff I would get the dinner dishes done, and pick up some coconut milk in the morning after I dropped Anders off at school.
Guess what . . . I forgot both things! Shit!! I was in trouble and I had no excuse, but believe you me, I searched until I thought I had found a really great “reason” that I had not kept my word.
My text to her:
I’m in a state of huge amounts of thought and energy with everything going on, business, and getting emails out. I am coming home to do the dishes right now. I’m sorry.
Her text to me:
Sorry doesn’t cut it, I need to know that I can count on what you say you’ll do. If you aren’t really planning on it, don’t offer. This makes me feel like you don’t really appreciate me or care about my feelings. I honestly feel like work is your priority and I’m not, and that doesn’t work for me.
Adrenaline gushed through my guts.
I drove home . . . pissed as hell, and did the dishes, with a chip the size of Texas on my shoulder.
Butt-hurt all the way!
Who was I pissed at?
Was it Tiff for being clear about how she struggled to trust what I say when I don’t follow through?
Or was I pissed at myself because I hadn’t followed through, and the precious feelings of my feminine peach were caught in the crosshairs of my ignoramus ways?
The harder I tried to prove myself innocent, the more butt-hurt I got.
I couldn’t come up with 1 damn thing as to why it wasn’t my fault.
I said I would do those things and I didn’t. It was as simple as that.
I do understand that you, the feminine, need to be able to count on your masculine partner to do what they say they’ll do. Hence, your feelings are cherished.
What is the #1 way your feelings are cherished? (If you will be so kind as to share right below this post, all of everyone else will be so happy to hear from you.)
When your feelings are cherished by your masculine partner, your trust grows, allowing you to be more vulnerable and open to receiving what the masculine wants so badly to give you.
It took me about half a day to unravel my butt-hurt and get back to center.
My take-away: Be Impeccable!
And if you make a mistake, apologize, but even more importantly get your actions in alignment with your priorities, and STOP the excuses.
Excuses do nothing more than emasculate you, and turn your feminine partner away in disgust.
I want Tiff to know that I adore her and the fastest and easiest way to do that is by doing what I say I’m going to do.
I could hit the million dollar gross revenue mark and if I forget the milk, I have missed the whole effing boat.
Life is about love.
Love is about connection.
And connection is all about me cherishing the feelings of my beloved.
Oh, and don’t forget the godamned milk!
It makes ALL the difference.
Hope to see you in the comments below, because I want to know all about your feelings and how you feel cherished.