Today’s episode is about self-care, but let’s just call it self-pleasure. We say “pleasure” because when you’re practicing self-care, it cannot be something you’re doing because it will give you a good after effect. It needs to be something that feels good WHILE you’re doing it.
We share the 6 benefits of quality daily self-care and a whole bunch of self-care/pleasure tips. We would love to see you do a minimum of 1 thing a day, but prefer you do 3 things a day, every day of the week that bring you pleasure, personally. It’s all about you today, baby!
[No, your phone isn’t acting up, there are audio difficulties in the beginning but by 2:00 it gets better, thank god!] The meaning of life, the full solar eclipse, Tiff going wild with a belt, and the past week’s escapades. Oh and Jack has a few things to share about his big surprise when Tiff asked him a question in Costco. We cover a couple of jaw-dropping moments, one for each of us.
BTW if you’re an iPhone user, we would love it if you’d leave us a review on iTunes. Many thanks!
What kind of love and romance are you looking for?
Are you looking for love that gives you superficial comfort (keeping everything on the surface to simply keep-the-peace), or are you willing to know the scars as well as the triumphs of the person that wraps you in their arms, and to share your own?
Do you believe that romance is temporary and the mundane is reality, or do you believe that romance and passion are the truth and the mundane is nothing more than a mere distraction?
Enjoying intimacy and romance with your “other” is not only possible but very likely, when you willingly open your heart to be loved.
Now, having said that, we understand that you’ve endured abuses of many kinds, and experienced much sorrow and sadness in your life, we also know that when you find yourself in a relationship with the person you choose to be with, you’ll have to open your heart to that person again-and-again-and-again.
Your open heart is the doorway to experiencing the exultantcy of romantic love.
Remember, the way to the love and romance you desire is found as you move through the dark times and willingly open your heart again to the possibilities.
The possibilities for your happiness and joy are as infinite as your willing to be vulnerable.
Are you willing?
We believe in your passionate romance, and know it’s absolutely yours to have.
Here’s to your life of love and romance.
Tiff & Jack
P.S. If this blog helped you in some way, why not share it with someone you love. We appreciative that you’re here reading our messages, many thanks to you.
Tiff and I know from working with our clients, and our own experience, that everyone gets a little stuck now-and-then when it comes to doing the things that affect positive change in your intimate relationship.
Everyone finds themselves in old ruts and patterns where your relationship begins to feel a bit stale.
Intimate relationship is our specialty and I’m going to make it super simple for you so there’ll be no excuses. I’m going to share 7 simple things that you can do easily, that will instantly rejuvenate your relationship.
The only thing required of you is that you actually take the time to DO it and then repeat (again and again and again…you get the idea).
It’s the LITTLE things that make the BIGGEST difference.
7 LITTLE Things That Make the BIGGEST
Difference in Relationship
1. Listen & Look
How well do you listen to your SO (significant other) when they’re talking to you?
Do you stop what you’re doing and listen carefully to what they’re saying? (Answer this question honestly, please.)
Life gets busy and crazy and it’s very easy to disregard the person talking to you because you have a million other things going on in your head. But this is no excuse, everyone has shit they’re dealing with all the time. And your SO deserves your full attention when they’re talking to you.
And if it’s not a good time for you to give them your full attention, be clear about WHEN would be a better time, and be true to your word and show up when you say you will.
If you want intimacy, passion, great connection and awesome sex with your SO, you MUST listen to them when they’re talking to you, this is a basic foundational piece to your happy relationship puzzle.
When I say listen, I mean REALLY LISTEN. Don’t be trying to figure out what to say while they’re talking, just listen to them without interrupting or being distracted by a million other things. It sounds so simple, but why the hell are so many of us continually distracted when listening to another person, especially our PERSON.
Here’s your assignment: When your SO is talking to you, stop what you’re doing and pay attention, LOOK into their eyes, and really LISTEN. Looking into their eyes gives you clues about them and how they’re feeling and doing at that moment (this is very important information for you).
Oh, and please put your damn phone down, it can wait!
We live in a culture and country where touching each other is minimal. Go visit Spain or Italy or a myriad of other countries and notice how every person you meet is kissing you on the cheeks, hugging you and breathing your scent in, and here in America, you’re lucky if you get eye contact.
Let’s break this barrier down, baby.
When you walk past your person, you know the one that brings you to your knees in the most delicious way, reach out and touch them every time they’re within reach.
You don’t have to throw them to the floor and make love every time you see them (I mean you can if that’s what you both want), but what I’m saying is simply reach your arm out towards your lover and brush them on the shoulder or kiss them on the cheek as you walk past them.
It’s not hard and it feels good.
If you’re watching TV together at the end of a long day, sit close enough to touch so you can smell their perfume or cologne and reach out and caress their hand or hair.
Everyone needs to feel the touch of someone that they love and loves them back.
Touching your SO as you move past them says, “I love you and see you.”
It’s simple! And makes all the difference.
3. Live Your Passion
Are you doing something you love, every single day? Something that opens you up and gives you the opportunity to be more of Who You Really Are?
It could be yoga, tai chi, dancing, gardening, going for a run, listening to music that makes you feel alive, walking the dog, taking a hot bubble bath, meditating, writing, reading, etc… just do it.
If you will do something that you feel passionate about each and every day, you’ll be more of yourself and more open to be loved by your SO. You’ll feel more fulfilled and your heart will be more open to the world around you.
If you’re struggling finding something that lights your fire, ask the Universe or your Angels to help you find it or it to find you, and trust me, you will.
You living your passion is “tending to yourself” and that makes all the difference for a happier relationship.
4. Ask Questions
When you learn to really listen to another person (especially your SO), you’ll have part of the relationship figured out.
Another part is engaging with your person by asking them questions about what they’re sharing. Now if they’re sharing something that’s deeply interesting to you, you’ll have tons of questions pop up. Go right ahead and ask away, engage with your SO.
But when your SO is sharing something more personal and talking about their feelings or thoughts, this is where you ask THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
Ask the DF (dominant feminine thinker): “How does that make you feel?”
Ask the DM (dominant masculine thinker): “What do you think about that?”
When you ask this question, you’re sure to learn something new about your person that you didn’t know. And the more you know about each other, the easier it is to say and do things for them that make a huge difference for good.
For example because I pay attention and want to know Tiff’s likes and dislikes, I know that she does NOT like ice cream (except very occasionally she wants a soft serve twist cone…without the cone of course) so now when I want to bring a treat home for her I will bring caramels, pomegranate seeds (already shelled), or the old standby, a Reese’s Crunchy Big Peanut Butter Cup. All because I listen.
Listening pays off in HUGE ways.
Oh and don’t try to finish their sentences because you THINK you know what they’re going to say (I’ve been so guilty of this and can tell you I’m getting better and better at zipping my f—— lip). Rarely will you get it right so just be quiet and listen.
The DF wants to know that they captivate you and that they’re seen. The DM wants to know that they are appreciated for what they do.
And one last thing, don’t be the one doing ALL of the talking, ALL of the time, it gets really boring. It takes 2 to tango.
Asking questions and paying attention helps you love each other so much better.
Try it, you might like it…or LOVE it!
5. Kiss Like You Mean It!
I couldn’t EVER write an article about the simple things you can do to make a big difference in your relationship, without bringing up kissing, now can I?!!
Kissing is vital.
When is the last time you kissed your SO in a way that stopped them in their tracks and it was all they could do to keep from falling over? If it has been longer than 24 hours, repent, and go find them right now and kiss them like you mean it, damn it!
When you’re kissing, just kiss, without distractions getting in the way.
Don’t think about the bills that need paying, or where you’re going next, just kiss… long and deep and FEEL it all the way through your body right down to your toes.
Kissing costs nothing and the returns are HUGE.
Go kiss someone you’re in love with, today. And if the one you lives across the country, write them a note and tell them how kissing them makes you feel.
6. No Story Telling
No, I’m not talking about sharing funny stories about your day or anything like that. I’m talking about the stories we tell ourselves about what we THINK the other person means when they ask you a question, make a comment, or give you that certain look.And let me tell you I’m the perfect person to be writing about this. The stories I’ve told myself about what I think Tiff is saying underneath her words creates conflict between us faster than a speeding bullet.
Maybe your SO walks into the room you’re sitting in, watching Outlander (awesome series about past lives, Scottish men in kilts, and lots of sex) or another show you love, and they give you “the look,” you know “the look” and instantly you jump into defensive mode and get your feelings hurt because you feel like you’re being judged in some way, only to have your SO then explain that she/he had a question about something wholly unrelated to you doing some wrong.
When we assume we know what the other person is thinking and make up a story about it, we’ll always get into trouble, and have to deal with a new conflict.
Stop the story telling, plain and simple.
This is where asking questions is vital to your happiness.
7. Speak your mind
No I’m not talking about telling your SO every single thing they do that makes you want to jump up and down in anger, I’m talking about sharing the things you LOVE about your SO.Oftentimes we may think in our mind how sexy we find our SO, or how good they smell or how much we appreciate the fact that they scraped the snow off our car and warmed it up for us before leaving for work. Instead of keeping this thought in your mind only, open your sexy mouth, and let it out. Speak it to your ONE.
Kind words of love and appreciation go a very LONG way.
I know that for me (the DM) when Tiff says to me how much she appreciates the fact that I bring her treats, or that I have thrown a load of laundry in or getting the bills paid, it makes me want to be better and do more.
The DM loves to know that what they’re doing is making a positive difference in the life of their DF.
And the DF needs to know how sexy you find them. Does the way they smell just turn you on? And make you want to eat them for dinner?? Then tell them!
When you look at your DF and the clothes they’re wearing or the way they’ve done their makeup or hair revs your engine, open your mouth and tell them. The DF wants to know they slay you, that they’re captivating and have your attention.
It’s so simple.
Say the positive things you think about each other TO each other.
The little things make the biggest difference!
Thanks for reading to the end, I know you’re serious about being happy in your relationship, and that you’re willing to do whatever you can to make things better and better.
Sending you every good thing.
P.S. And if all of these acronyms confuse you, please take the quiz by clicking the yellow button below, it’s the perfect place to start understanding our blog and yourself better.
You may think that Tiff and I never argue or get into conflict.
You’d be mistaken.
Over the past 9 years we’ve been together we’ve worked through MANY conflicts. Some very big and some very small, with a few in between.
Yep, we’re human.
Sorry to burst your bubble like this.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Well, in all of their pictures on facebook, they look so happy and in love.”
Have you ever found yourself dreaming of the day when you have a relationship that feels good all the time? Where there’s no drama or conflict to work through?
The truth is, being in a relationship will be the hardest work you ever do, and the highest of highs and the lowest of lows will be experienced.
So if you find yourself wishing for that day when you live in BLISS, remember the dog days will rear their ugly heads and when that happens, remember this, “Tiff and Jack said they have days like this too, and they work through it, so I know I can too.”
We want you to know that it’s okay to feel like crap some days, and to wonder how in the hell you’ll ever make it through the latest *brouhaha (I just love this word) you’re facing.
a noisy and overexcited reaction or response to something.
“24 members resigned over the brouhaha”
In today’s DIY RelationTips video, Tiff and I are getting real, raw, and relevant, and give you the 3 steps necessary to move from wanting to throttle your “other” to feeling that delicious connectivity you love so much.
As you can see, it’s not easy, but it is simple to move from pissed to blissed.
It’s 3 simple steps just like we outlined in the video.
How do you manage your anger? What do you do to calm yourself so that you can move into resolution with your SO (significant other)? Inquiring minds would like to know, share right below this post.
P.S. Know of anyone struggling in their relationship? Please forward this email to your best friends — or anyone who could use a boost of encouragement and direction.