It’s Thursday again and here we are, sharing a moment.
Thanks for being here, if you weren’t, it would feel so empty.
When we talk about your “love life,” we’re keenly aware that you may be in a relationship you love, you may be in one you hate, you may not be in one and wanting one, or you may be happy all by your sexy self.
Whichever it is for you, the question, “What do you do to keep your love life alive?” still applies.
We share our own experiences because that’s right where we are, smack dab in the middle of our own relationship, day-in and day-out. (Yes sometimes we’re in the middle of yours too, but only when you’re on the red couch doing some coaching.)
As a caveat, when we say DM (dominant masculine thinker) or DF (dominant feminine thinker) we are in no way saying that you are only one-or-the-other. You have the full spectrum of masculine and feminine inside of you and at different times and places you’ll be more masculine or more feminine. When it comes to your love life with another person, this is where you simply MUST understand what your dominant thinking type is because it takes one-of-each for the passion to sizzle.
Here’s the quiz if you don’t know which type is your dominant…
This is the way I, Jack-the DM, keep our love life alive:
- I listen deep to my DF. Now you may wonder what the hell “listening deep” means, listening deep is paying attention when your DF is talking to you by stopping whatever you’re doing and paying attention (read our last blog to understand this better). This is a big deal with keeping the passion alive between you and your SO (sig other).
- I plan a date night every single Friday night. Does this mean we’ve never had a boring date night, nope, it doesn’t. Occasionally Friday night date night is a damn dud! When I say “plan,” I mean it. Keep it interesting and varied. If you need some good ideas, you’ve got a friend in GOOGLE…use it.
- Whenever I’m out and about I keep my eye open to buy little gifts for Tiff that I know will brighten her day. Sometimes it’s something she needs, other times it’s something that’s simply to surprise and delight her. I love to pay attention to the things she may have run out of and buy her a new one before it’s gone so she won’t have to worry about getting out and getting it bought.
- I make love to her like she’s the QUEEN (because she is). I take my time, lots of it, and infuse her body with pure LOVE. I take the lead in sex and don’t ask her what she wants because I should already know that. If I expect her to tell me what she wants when we’re IN an intimate setting, it turns her off and the mood is shot. If I have questions about what feels good to her, I’ll talk to her about that in casual conversation. The DF wants to know that the DM knows what they (the DM) are doing and what they want. It’s a huge turn on.
- I tell her how beautiful she is and exactly what I love about her. It could be the way her makeup looks or her hair that day. Maybe it’s the way she smells. There’s so much I adore about her that I could go on-and-on. The most important part is that I speak up about it.
- One important thing I do to keep our love life alive is to practice keeping my ego in check and not being defensive. My defensiveness kills a good time faster than you can say “mood-killer.”
- Last but not least, I take care of my health and body, keep a good balance between work and fun, get enough rest, meditate, and eat well most of the time.
The way Tiff-the-DF, keeps our love life alive:
- She makes the most amazing food. I don’t know how she does it, but she does! I love good food, and Tiff rules my world with her cooking.
- Tiff opens herself up to me and allows me to take the lead and to GIVE to her. She’s magnificent at “receiving.” Even when we’ve had a misunderstanding and things get a little heated, Tiff is willing to move through the conflict to resolution and then, of her own volition, she opens her heart to me again. This is a HUGE piece to our love life.
- She willingly goes along with me on new adventures, and tries new things, which means she trusts me to LEAD. It’s a BIG deal!
- She tends to herself in the most delightful ways…her hair, her makeup, her clothing, her scent…all of this keeps passion between alive.
- She takes time for herself doing things she loves to do.
- She tells me how much she appreciates what I do for her, often. This is HUGE! It just makes me want to do more and more and more.
What about you, what do you do? We’d like to hear from you if you’re single, too. Everyone needs to feel loved, so whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, what do you do to feel loved and alive in love?
P.S. If you aren’t in a relationship you love, don’t forget you have the Universe, working in your behalf, to assist you in having what you want. Just ask the Universe to bring it in. What you want, wants you. You are the creator of your world through the thoughts you think, and you too can most definitely have the relationship you want.
Tiff and I talk about relationship this, relationship that, and today is no different because intimate relationship (whether we’re in one or not) is something everyone thinks about!
One of the things that makes the greatest difference in our relationship and life is allowing the Universe to assist us with every single thing we want for ourselves.
I know you’re continually learning and expanding your knowledge about many things, most especially things like how to manifest your dreams, and how to lessen your anxiety and upset so you can feel better.
One book that has made our lives so much better and simpler, is the “Law of Attraction.”
Many years ago, Tiff and I had gone to the library to pick up a couple of books and as we were looking along one of the shelves the “Law of Attraction” book fell right off the shelf at our feet.
We picked it up and began looking through it and realized that it was no accident we had this book in our hands.
We took it home and didn’t stop reading until we had read the whole book. It went along with the things we spend our time teaching and doing in our own lives with clearing limiting beliefs so we can have more of what we wanted in our lives.
We weren’t alone in being excited about the Law of Attraction, so is Louise Hay, the mother of positive thinking.
“The law of attraction is that our thinking creates and brings to us whatever we think about,” she says. “It’s as though every time we think a thought, every time we speak a word, the universe is listening and responding to us.” Louise Hay
We both started consciously setting our intentions about everything, whether it was little or big. That was such an adventure!
We started having massive shifts and changes happening almost effortlessly.
We found the perfect house to live in, in the most gorgeous neighborhood. In fact, Tiff had set her intention to live in a house that was close to everything yet one that would feel like you’re living in the forest with lots of trees. She was dead set on having a flame maple tree out in front of the kitchen window…we got everything we wanted.
We realized that we had been given a magnificent gift to understand how the law of attraction works, and how simple life becomes when you allow the Universe to assist you.
You’ll often hear us say, “I set my intention that _____________.”
You may wonder what it means to set an intention.
I’m going to share with you HOW TO do this.
It’s 5 Easy Steps
- Identify something you want to bring into your life or something you’d like to have different.
- Make a decision to have it, believing that it’s yours. Making a firm decision to have it is critical. It doesn’t matter if what you want seems huge, the Universe doesn’t notice a difference between $1 or $1,000,000.
- Then say to yourself, “I choose to have ______” (whatever it was you made the decision about having, knowing that it’s indeed yours to have). See the Universe as your own personal manager, taking care of all the details.
- See yourself enjoying it as though it’s already done. See it, feel it, taste it.
- Surrender it, and LET GO of trying to manage the details. In other words stop trying to force it to happen the way you think it should happen. If there’s something you need to do, you’ll have a clear knowing of what that is, and it’ll give you a sense of peace to do it, otherwise just live your life, allowing the Universe to bring it in (or out). It’s that simple!
Before I finish this article, I want to share with you how intention setting works within your relationship.
For example (I will change to names to protect the innocent ;-), when Johnny says something stupid to Bella, and she gets extremely upset, Johnny will quickly set an intention that a peaceful resolution will happen and that Bella and Johnny will be happy together again, very quickly. And Johnny reports that every single time he does this, things get better very quickly.
Keep in mind, however, Johnny is a very conscious man and knows that if he’s the cause of the ruckus, that he’ll own his shit and make changes where necessary. Johnny is a very wise DM. Just sayin…
Another way intention setting works in relationship is with sex. Maybe one of you in your relationship isn’t on the same timeline as your partner, so try this experiment, set an intention for an opportunity to have great sex with your partner and notice how quickly it comes in.
Play with this stuff. It’s amazing and makes life exciting and fun.
If you’re have an especially down day, ask the Universe to assist you to feel peace instead of negativity and then allow it to come in. It really works!
And one last example of Tiff’s intention setting is to find the perfect time to have what could be an uncomfortable clarifying conversation with me. (Heaven must know that I can get a little wild sometimes when being confronted with my own stupid, or maybe Tiff is talking about Johnny, hmmmm, we’ll never know for sure will we??!!)
If you’re someone that already sets your intentions, share with the rest of us some of the great things that have come through for you below in the comment thread.
Now, set those intentions and let the Universe do the work.
We’re all in this one together.
Tiff and I know from working with our clients, and our own experience, that everyone gets a little stuck now-and-then when it comes to doing the things that affect positive change in your intimate relationship.
Everyone finds themselves in old ruts and patterns where your relationship begins to feel a bit stale.
Intimate relationship is our specialty and I’m going to make it super simple for you so there’ll be no excuses. I’m going to share 7 simple things that you can do easily, that will instantly rejuvenate your relationship.
The only thing required of you is that you actually take the time to DO it and then repeat (again and again and again…you get the idea).
It’s the LITTLE things that make the BIGGEST difference.
7 LITTLE Things That Make the BIGGEST
Difference in Relationship
1. Listen & Look
How well do you listen to your SO (significant other) when they’re talking to you?
Do you stop what you’re doing and listen carefully to what they’re saying? (Answer this question honestly, please.)
Life gets busy and crazy and it’s very easy to disregard the person talking to you because you have a million other things going on in your head. But this is no excuse, everyone has shit they’re dealing with all the time. And your SO deserves your full attention when they’re talking to you.
And if it’s not a good time for you to give them your full attention, be clear about WHEN would be a better time, and be true to your word and show up when you say you will.
If you want intimacy, passion, great connection and awesome sex with your SO, you MUST listen to them when they’re talking to you, this is a basic foundational piece to your happy relationship puzzle.
When I say listen, I mean REALLY LISTEN. Don’t be trying to figure out what to say while they’re talking, just listen to them without interrupting or being distracted by a million other things. It sounds so simple, but why the hell are so many of us continually distracted when listening to another person, especially our PERSON.
Here’s your assignment: When your SO is talking to you, stop what you’re doing and pay attention, LOOK into their eyes, and really LISTEN. Looking into their eyes gives you clues about them and how they’re feeling and doing at that moment (this is very important information for you).
Oh, and please put your damn phone down, it can wait!
We live in a culture and country where touching each other is minimal. Go visit Spain or Italy or a myriad of other countries and notice how every person you meet is kissing you on the cheeks, hugging you and breathing your scent in, and here in America, you’re lucky if you get eye contact.
Let’s break this barrier down, baby.
When you walk past your person, you know the one that brings you to your knees in the most delicious way, reach out and touch them every time they’re within reach.
You don’t have to throw them to the floor and make love every time you see them (I mean you can if that’s what you both want), but what I’m saying is simply reach your arm out towards your lover and brush them on the shoulder or kiss them on the cheek as you walk past them.
It’s not hard and it feels good.
If you’re watching TV together at the end of a long day, sit close enough to touch so you can smell their perfume or cologne and reach out and caress their hand or hair.
Touch saves lives. Babies that go without touch can actually die because of it.
Everyone needs to feel the touch of someone that they love and loves them back.
Touching your SO as you move past them says, “I love you and see you.”
It’s simple! And makes all the difference.
3. Live Your Passion
Are you doing something you love, every single day? Something that opens you up and gives you the opportunity to be more of Who You Really Are?
It could be yoga, tai chi, dancing, gardening, going for a run, listening to music that makes you feel alive, walking the dog, taking a hot bubble bath, meditating, writing, reading, etc… just do it.
If you will do something that you feel passionate about each and every day, you’ll be more of yourself and more open to be loved by your SO. You’ll feel more fulfilled and your heart will be more open to the world around you.
If you’re struggling finding something that lights your fire, ask the Universe or your Angels to help you find it or it to find you, and trust me, you will.
You living your passion is “tending to yourself” and that makes all the difference for a happier relationship.
4. Ask Questions
When you learn to really listen to another person (especially your SO), you’ll have part of the relationship figured out.
Another part is engaging with your person by asking them questions about what they’re sharing. Now if they’re sharing something that’s deeply interesting to you, you’ll have tons of questions pop up. Go right ahead and ask away, engage with your SO.
But when your SO is sharing something more personal and talking about their feelings or thoughts, this is where you ask THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
- Ask the DF (dominant feminine thinker): “How does that make you feel?”
- Ask the DM (dominant masculine thinker): “What do you think about that?”
When you ask this question, you’re sure to learn something new about your person that you didn’t know. And the more you know about each other, the easier it is to say and do things for them that make a huge difference for good.
For example because I pay attention and want to know Tiff’s likes and dislikes, I know that she does NOT like ice cream (except very occasionally she wants a soft serve twist cone…without the cone of course) so now when I want to bring a treat home for her I will bring caramels, pomegranate seeds (already shelled), or the old standby, a Reese’s Crunchy Big Peanut Butter Cup. All because I listen.
Listening pays off in HUGE ways.
Oh and don’t try to finish their sentences because you THINK you know what they’re going to say (I’ve been so guilty of this and can tell you I’m getting better and better at zipping my f—— lip). Rarely will you get it right so just be quiet and listen.
The DF wants to know that they captivate you and that they’re seen. The DM wants to know that they are appreciated for what they do.
And one last thing, don’t be the one doing ALL of the talking, ALL of the time, it gets really boring. It takes 2 to tango.
Asking questions and paying attention helps you love each other so much better.
Try it, you might like it…or LOVE it!
5. Kiss Like You Mean It!
I couldn’t EVER write an article about the simple things you can do to make a big difference in your relationship, without bringing up kissing, now can I?!!
Kissing is vital.
When is the last time you kissed your SO in a way that stopped them in their tracks and it was all they could do to keep from falling over? If it has been longer than 24 hours, repent, and go find them right now and kiss them like you mean it, damn it!
When you’re kissing, just kiss, without distractions getting in the way.
Don’t think about the bills that need paying, or where you’re going next, just kiss… long and deep and FEEL it all the way through your body right down to your toes.
Kissing costs nothing and the returns are HUGE.
Go kiss someone you’re in love with, today. And if the one you lives across the country, write them a note and tell them how kissing them makes you feel.
6. No Story Telling
No, I’m not talking about sharing funny stories about your day or anything like that. I’m talking about the stories we tell ourselves about what we THINK the other person means when they ask you a question, make a comment, or give you that certain look.And let me tell you I’m the perfect person to be writing about this. The stories I’ve told myself about what I think Tiff is saying underneath her words creates conflict between us faster than a speeding bullet.
Maybe your SO walks into the room you’re sitting in, watching Outlander (awesome series about past lives, Scottish men in kilts, and lots of sex) or another show you love, and they give you “the look,” you know “the look” and instantly you jump into defensive mode and get your feelings hurt because you feel like you’re being judged in some way, only to have your SO then explain that she/he had a question about something wholly unrelated to you doing some wrong.
When we assume we know what the other person is thinking and make up a story about it, we’ll always get into trouble, and have to deal with a new conflict.
Stop the story telling, plain and simple.
This is where asking questions is vital to your happiness.
7. Speak your mind
No I’m not talking about telling your SO every single thing they do that makes you want to jump up and down in anger, I’m talking about sharing the things you LOVE about your SO.Oftentimes we may think in our mind how sexy we find our SO, or how good they smell or how much we appreciate the fact that they scraped the snow off our car and warmed it up for us before leaving for work. Instead of keeping this thought in your mind only, open your sexy mouth, and let it out. Speak it to your ONE.
Kind words of love and appreciation go a very LONG way.
I know that for me (the DM) when Tiff says to me how much she appreciates the fact that I bring her treats, or that I have thrown a load of laundry in or getting the bills paid, it makes me want to be better and do more.
The DM loves to know that what they’re doing is making a positive difference in the life of their DF.
And the DF needs to know how sexy you find them. Does the way they smell just turn you on? And make you want to eat them for dinner?? Then tell them!
When you look at your DF and the clothes they’re wearing or the way they’ve done their makeup or hair revs your engine, open your mouth and tell them. The DF wants to know they slay you, that they’re captivating and have your attention.
It’s so simple.
Say the positive things you think about each other TO each other.
The little things make the biggest difference!
Thanks for reading to the end, I know you’re serious about being happy in your relationship, and that you’re willing to do whatever you can to make things better and better.
Sending you every good thing.
P.S. And if all of these acronyms confuse you, please take the quiz by clicking the yellow button below, it’s the perfect place to start understanding our blog and yourself better.
We are saying goodbye to 2015 and moving right into a new year. First and foremost Jack and I want to thank you for being such an important part of our life.
One thing we know for sure is that you experiencing joy and pleasure is critical to your happiness and well-being.
Some may consider the word “pleasure” to be naughty or selfish. Not us!
Pleasure is something we all need on a daily basis.
1. a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.
synonyms: happiness, delight, joy, gladness, glee, satisfaction, gratification, contentment, enjoyment, amusement
When was the last time you experienced pleasure? I mean really felt the overwhelming feeling of joy?
The word PLEASURE was a major tigger word for me.
I thought if I had pleasure it would make me selfish, carnal, worldly, devilish…BAD!
I had to let go of my puritanical point of view and belief system that came from my DNA and my religious/family up bringing so that I could actually enjoy my life.
In fact I remember a certain family member telling me that I need to live a certain way and that I need to be brave enough to break my own heart. To me that just felt wrong. So… I chose to fill my heart with joy!
I’ve always been known to be quite irreverent and the kind of person that follows the beat of my own drum.
I tried to be more conforming and proper but I just couldn’t do it.
I tried not to swear and express myself in a passionate way, but it just wouldn’t happen.
I tried to not laugh at inappropriate things, but laughter screams from my lips on a daily basis.
My irreverence, passionate expression and laughter are simply part of who I am and those things bring a lot of pleasure into my life. And to the lives of others for that matter.
Why are we trying to conform to what others say is proper?
Why are we worried about what others think?
Why are we avoiding pleasure?!
I was talking to my dear friend Sal and we were discussing how people live in Spain. I loved hearing that they live lives of pleasure and rest. Of course they work but it’s not their focus. They eat amazing food, drink amazing wine and connect with each other in their families and with their friends. They’re not afraid to nap or spend the day at the beach. They simply live in pleasure. It brought deep comfort to my soul as we discussed it. It felt as though God was whispering, “This is the truth of life!”
Many of you know that Jack and I have much fun and pleasure in our life because we share it often.
The amazing thing is that the more fun and pleasure we experience the more our business grows. Isn’t that amazing?
The more joy we have in our life the more prosperous we become.
We all have amazing bodies that have the ability to experience pleasure on the deepest level. So let’s experience it shall we?
Just laughter alone can change your entire life. When is the last time that you laughed? I mean a belly laugh where you couldn’t stop?
When is the last time you ate what you wanted and really enjoyed the variety of flavor?
When is the last time that you sat down with friends and connected deeply in the present moment without guilt or worry that you should be doing something else?
When was the last time you had a glass of wine that enhanced the flavor of your food?
When is the last time that you relaxed enough to have an amazing sexual experience that left you feeling restful and in a state of bliss?
When is the last time you took time out for yourself to do something that you really loved?
When is the last time you took a nap?
When is the last time you didn’t feel guilty about something?
When is the last time that you kissed your lover and talked about your secret fantasies?
When is the last time that you drove fast in your car and listened to loud music?
When is the last time you acted silly without feeling immature?
When is the last time you danced?
When is the last time you made work secondary to pleasure?
It’s time for us all to move into lives of pleasure and joy.
We’re designed to live this way.
Stress, shame, guilt, worry are all emotions that cause our bodies to break down and become sick and unhappy. Why in the hell do we think this is OK?
During the upcoming year I suggest that you start adding a little more pleasure and joy into your life experience. If you do this I will promise you’ll feel better, healthier and you’ll become more prosperous.
Please share with us some of the things that you do the bring pleasure into your life.
Here’s to a fabulous 2016!
Tiff & Jack