I love watching Tiff (DF/dominant feminine).
Everything she does is magic! (Can you hear “The Police” singing their hearts out??)
We’ve been very very busy that last couple of months, but this past 3 days has been exponentially CRAZY…to say the least.
Running your own business, coaching, speaking, having adult kids living with us for a time, a new grandbaby ready to bust out, lots and lots of videos, audios, and worksheets being created… creates a bit of overwhelm for my angel girl.
That’s putting it mildly!
It’s more like being a hand in the middle of one of those Dyson Airblade Hand Dryers, feeling like you’ll be blown out into space if you don’t have a firm foothold.
Yep! It’s been a wild ride.
The DF prefers lots of freedom of movement, no rushing, being in the moment, and not feeling to weighed down by life.
I know, I live with one, and have a solid understanding of the fact that Tiff does NOT like to feel overwhelmed…a common emotion for the DF.
When things get super crazy busy at our house, and Tiff is feeling frazzled, the sage wisdom of her mom always comes to my mind.
“Pieces parts little girl.”
Do you remember the timed math drills we did in elementary school?
To Tiff those drills threw her magical brain into overload and she would put her cute foot down and cry at the thought of such a task…that is until her brilliant mama solved the problem by taking a piece of construction paper, cutting a small square out of it, and placing it over the top of the math problems so that she could only see one at a time…voila! Magic!!
Suddenly Tiff’s world got easier and she could finish the drill in record time.
Sage wisdom, I’d say.
Just break it down into “pieces parts.”
Take it easy.
One step at a time.
And before you know it, you’ve completed the “test” with flying colors, and overwhelm disappears.
Nothing makes me happier than being 100% in deep with Tiff and all of her magical, emotional, and mystical ways.
The DF makes the world a much more colorful place.
Please let your colors shine BRIGHTLY.
P.S. I’d love to hear 1 thing that simplifies your life when overwhelm hits. Please share right here. Inquiring minds must know. 😉
I know that all this DM and DF lingo can feel so whacky and uncertain in so many ways.
“What the hell am I supposed to do with all this masculine/feminine stuff??” (You may be asking.)
Don’t you worry your pretty little self, both Tiff and yours truly will continue to help you get this schtuff figered out. (Yes, the country accent was included as I just wrote that.)
We make your relationship happiness our business. 😉
The other day I asked Tiff what being happy meant to her.
She thought about it for a minute and said, “Hmmm, what I really want is to enjoy a state of well-being.”
I found it fascinating that her word for happiness has “being” in it…well-being.
The DF lives from a state of “being” and the DM lives from a state of “doing.”
The DF is looking to BE in a state of wellness of mind, body and spirit, and the DM is looking for happiness, most often through DOING.
Tiff’s (DF) idea of well-being includes:
- being comfy with her own multifaceted emotional states
- feeling captivating
- lots of fun
- not having to manage all the details
- worry free
- sparkly things
My (DM) idea of happiness includes:
- a job well-done
- plenty of money
- Tiff’s comfort and happiness
- managing details
- looking to the future and planning
- setting goals
- good sex
- good food
- knowing I have what it takes
- being the hero (aka knight in shining armor)
The amazing thing is the fact that when each of us are happy and being/doing what feels good to us individually, we are creating the snap-crackle-pop in our relationship.
The DF and DM go together like peanut butter & jelly, wine & cheese, pizza & beer, whiskey & cigars…Tiff & Jack!
It takes 2 for relationshift bliss! (Do you love those last 2 words…they’re the name of our online relationship program that’s launching next week!! We’re freaking excited.)
Remember it takes a DM and a DF to make the sexual sparks fly in a relationship.
The first thing on your list must be to figure out if you’re the DM or the DF (click the big YELLOW button at the bottom of this page to take the quiz, if you haven’t already).
We’re serious about your well-being…and don’t you forget that!
If you want to make me (Jack/DM) happy, and I’m sure that’s your dying wish, please share the #1 thing that plops you squarely into a state of well-being.
Come on, please share your sexy feelings about this, click right here.
Love, peace & lots of sparkles just for you,
P.S. Click the happy yellow button to take the quiz.
How open is your heart, dear sweet DF?
Do you “Love Wide Open?”
Right now in this very moment, pause and ask yourself, “is my heart wide open, or is it closed off?”
I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re not as open as you’d like to be.
Being vulnerable and “Loving Wide Open” hasn’t always been my cup of tea either. In fact, there’ve been times in my life when I’ve prided myself on how kind I am, unless someone treats me poorly.
I’ve prided myself on being able to defend my stand and speak from a place of strength and fierceness as to not allow anyone to ever hurt me.
What I was really saying is, “You can’t hurt me because I won’t let you into my heart space.” In fact, I would close it up as tight as a drum.
Living much of my life with a closed heart, afraid of the next hurt, plum tuckered me out.
As a DF (dominant feminine) our prime directive is to love and be loved.
To not allow love, is to deny the very essence of who we are, which makes it impossible to live as our authentic selves.
There are a couple of reasons why I felt the need to live in a defensive, ready-to-fight stance.
One of which was being raised in a family of very strong women that had a belief system that people will hurt you or use you, most especially men, if you let them.
And second, being the recipient of different kinds of abuse in my life, left me guarded and on high alert for any signs of danger.
Early on I learned to live “Heart Closed.”
When someone treated me poorly (or even showed signs that they MIGHT) I was ready to defend my point and to brush them off easily, because I never really let them in.
What I didn’t realize is that by living “Heart Closed” I was robbing myself of love connections that would feel amazing and honoring my beauty as a being of love on a deeper level.
I was also wearing myself out waiting for the next uncomfortable situation. (Can you say living a life of prevention? Ugh!!)
As long as things were on my terms I felt safe, which meant heart closure.
Now I choose to “Love WIDE Open.”
But to do that I had to get real with myself and own how I really felt about things.
It seemed nearly impossible to admit that I wanted to have deeper relationships and love people openly.
It felt scary to admit that I needed Jack’s help and guidance.
I couldn’t imagine ever allowing anyone to see me cry or have hurt feelings.
If I allowed any of that they could kick me while I was down.
The thought of not defending myself, fighting back, or stating my strong opinion made me fear that I would look and feel weak, and therefore be defenseless and open to no-less-than-profound hurts.
But much to my beautiful surprise I’ve found the most delicious peace and joy as I allow my heart to “Love Wide Open.”
I called on my courage to do something different, to feel something new, to allow myself to just be.
The greatest secret I’ve ever learned is that I have nothing to defend, and love disarms hate.
I’m a being of love and it’s as simple as that.
If someone is unkind to me, misunderstands me, or doesn’t agree with me its OKAY. That’s their story.
If I’m in an uncomfortable situation I have a voice and a choice and I can simply walk away.
Putting the fight down has been the best choice of my life.
Allowing my emotions to move through me and honoring the love that I am has empowered me and freed me in my authenticity.
Accepting that I need help and support from others has been a gift and affords me to love more.
Sharing my personality and feelings brings more laughter and connection with others into my experience, and it’s the very fuel that gives me zest and verve to live a life of happiness and anticipation!
For me it’s simple… I choose to “Love Wide Open” because, LOVE just feels so good.
What makes it easier for you to live with a heart wide open?
And on the other hand, what makes it feel like you can’t?
We are in this thing together.
Peace & Sparkles,