I know that you and your DM have history.
Some of that history is filled with sunshine and rainbows and other parts are downright devastating.
I also know that you, the DF, are serious about all things love and intimacy.
Is today one of those days that has already left your heart feeling closed off from your DM?
What’s the answer? It’s frustrating for you to want love and connection so badly yet, feel like you are a million miles away from being on the same page with your DM.
Being a DM myself, and knowing that I’ve had many a thoughtless response to a sincere question from Tiff, which in turn, leaves her heart closed and aching makes me feel like a piece of dog do-do (not sure how the hell you spell “do-do”).
Just this week we were driving up to Silver Lake for a little getting back to nature one-on-one time, and I experienced one of those “thoughtless” responses.
One thing I always do when driving in the mountains is roll the windows down so I can feel the wind in my face and breathe in the delicious scents of pine and campfire all mixed together. I just love that.
This day was like all the others and as I rolled my window down, Tiff asked me if I could please roll it back up.
Guess what I did?
No, I didn’t say, “Sure, I’d be happy to.” (Boy oh boy do I wish I would’ve had the presence to say that.)
Instead, I reacted with a very quick and strong response of frustration (and yes, I was feeling like a damn victim), because I felt slighted if I couldn’t roll my window down.
Not proud of this.
We had a bit of back and forth, “How does this make you feel”, and “What do you think,” and then I got it!
She’d spent a couple of hours that day getting ready, applying the sexiest makeup you’ve ever seen and her hair….my god, her hair was perfect! She put Marilyn Monroe to shame.
Rolling my window down would’ve ruined everything she’d worked so deliciously to create, in part for my pleasure.
Me waiting til we got to the lake to enjoy the outdoors was a definite win/win.
It took a minute to get to that win/win place, but we did it (and yes, the window was only rolled down partway so as to leave her sexy hair intact).
Though it may seem like I’m writing about conflict, resolution, and sexy hair, there’s more to this article today.
I’m actually writing about the 3 words that change everything for the DM when they come from the DF.
Please let me explain.
You’re probably wondering how 3 words could possibly change everything.
Well, it’s true, they do.
When Tiff says these words I feel like I can do anything. I can slay the dragons, and accomplish every goal I’ve set. I know that I have what it takes to create a life that feels amazing. I feel confident and that there’s nothing I can’t do.
Now, for Tiff (the DF) to be able to say these words and mean them is the tricky part.
Are you curious, what these words could be?
“I trust you.”
Do you think that if we don’t ever have resolution to our conflicts, or that I don’t care about her feelings, or the fact that she’s spent a good chunk of time wanting to be gorgeous for me, and I mindlessly am lost in wanting to roll my window down without really seeing her and her beauty sitting next to me, that she’ll truly trust me, and be able to mean the words when she says them??
What does “trusting someone” even mean anyway?
Believe-you-me, in relationship “trust” is in a constant state of flux.
Trusting another person does NOT mean that they won’t ever make a mistake or say or do something stupid. It means that you trust that they have your best interest at heart, no matter what. That they’re willing to see their own part in every conflict, and to negotiate the tricky topics (like sex and money).
After all that, trusting or not trusting another person comes down to being a choice.
And you do indeed get to choose. (And it’s not just once, it’s over and over and over again.)
Do you choose to commit yourself to your relationship 100%, for better or worse? You don’t have to, but if you do, then you saying “I trust you,” to your DM makes a HUGE difference for good in their world.
If you’re finding resolution on the sticky topics most of the time, and feeling cherished often, trusting the DM will be a MUCH easier decision to make.
And if you want to give your DM the greatest gift there is, say and mean these 3 words…”I trust you.”
And BTW if you’re driving in the mountains and your DM rolls their windows down without even thinking twice and your hair is sticking to your lips because of the gloss, it’s time to ask them to read this article and work out a little win/win.
I believe rainbows and sunshine are possible most of the time…because that’s my experience. It just takes a bit of thoughtfulness and win/win negotiating and voila…it’s a pretty damn good life.
Oh, and please remember, your relationship is our business.
And all we want for you is pure happiness.
Jack (the DM)
P.S. If you still don’t know if you think more like a DM or DF, take the quiz by clicking the yellow button.
P.P.S. If there’s something here that’s helping you in some way, we’d love it if you share this article with your people. xoxo
P.P.P.S. What did you think the 3 words were before you knew? Please share below.