I don’t know about you but the last time I found myself in a position needing to apologize (which was just this morning…but more on that in a minute) I was saying “I’m sorry….BUT.”
Needless to say, my BUT got in the way.
Does your BUT ever get in the way?
As a quick reminder from me (the DM – dominant masculine), we have a million and one reasons why we do everything and anything.
When it comes to owning up to our own s***, and saying sorry, we get a little pig-headed sometimes.
“I’m sorry, BUT…” is translated as, “I don’t really care about your feelings I just want to PROVE why I’m not responsible for my poor behavior or making you feel worse.
I know that you (the DF – dominant feminine) may get tired of hearing the apologies but at the same time it really does matter because when there’s an apology without an excuse attached, it actually gives you hope that there’s some care and concern for your feelings.
Back to my morning snafu.
Tiff and I were having a conversation when Tiff mentioned she didn’t know what I thought about something that I’d been sharing with her and instead of me clarifying, I said, “I already told you, but I’ll tell you again, because you didn’t hear me.”
What I was really saying was, “you don’t listen to me and so I will do you a ‘favor’ and say it again.” (Damn rude!)
Now mind you, I had a million-and-one excuses for my accusatory comment but suffice it to say, me just saying, “I’m sorry for saying that the way I did, it’ not my intention to make you feel bad but I realize that’s exactly what I did with my thoughtless comment, please forgive me.”
A little food for thought.
Everyone does stupid stuff sometimes. There’s no getting around that.
Remember, when you’re apologizing (whether you are the DM or the DF) leave the BUTS out of it.
It makes all the difference.
P.S. How does it make you feel when your SO (significant other) apologizes without any excuses? I’d love to know.
P.P.S. Also if you haven’t taken the quiz already to determine whether you think more like a masculine or more like a feminine, take the quiz right here:
It’s an interesting thing….the masculine thought process.
I’m always working towards completion.
Have you seen this characteristic in the DM before?
I live it on a daily basis.
This past mother’s day was a perfect example of how finality and the masculine go hand-in-hand (in a not-so-pretty way).
I love buying things for Tiff.
Especially to celebrate the beautiful mother that she is to our 6 kids.
I spend time and thought wanting to pick the perfect card.
Have you seen the Papyrus brand of cards? They’re gorgeous.
I stood there forever trying to make my decision.
I found myself coming back to the same card over and over, and after much thought, that’s the one I picked.
I bought it, took it home, and wrote my loving epithets in it.
While Tiff was getting ready for the day, I sneakily placed the card on her pillow so she could see it when walked into the room.
She comes in, sees it, smiles, picks it up, opens it, and with a bit of confusion says, “Did you re-card?”
Talk about the wind getting knocked right out of my sails.
Then she reaches down and pulls last year’s mother’s day card out of her keepsake drawer and guess what??!!!
It’s the same exact card!
Good grief, people!! How does this happen??!
(This is where finality comes into play, please let me explain.)
Tiff laughed and kissed my face telling me how much she loves and adores me and I’m left speechless about the fact I literally gave it my all to pick the perfect card and it was the exact same card as last year.
It was so perfect that I picked it twice. 😉
One of the main characteristics of the DM is enjoying the finality of getting something done.
When it’s done we move on to the next thing (not giving much thought to what was in the past…because it’s already done…hence the Mother’s Day card fiasco).
Note to self:
Lighten up buddy, it happens.
Note to DF:
Thank you for loving us in all of our differences and what would seem to be thoughtlessness when in actuality it’s just a case of finality.
It can be perceived as the DM being insensitive, thoughtless, or oblivious.
Once something is complete it’s put out of our mind.
It’s not insensitivity, it’s moving forward to the next “dragon to slay.”
And if I had to remember every dragon of the past I couldn’t put my whole heart into this one in the here-and-now that’s wanting to annihilate me and the people I love.
Here’s to a new day as the DM in all of our finality.
Before I begin, I would like to humbly and gratefully thank the many teachers I’ve learned from through the years about what to do and what not to do in relationship.
My heart deeply grateful for the most influential teacher and masculine presence in my life… Jack.
The relationship I’ve been in with Jack has taught me more about myself and my own captivating beauty than any other.
I hold this learning as sacred and dear for it has brought me back to myself and my own feminine joy.
I have also come to understand the brilliance of the dominant masculine (DM). The masculine presence is the excitement and passion in my life.
Ok buckle up, let’s get down to bidness shall we?
In all the years Jack and I have spent coaching such amazing, brilliant peeps, I’ve never talked to a DF (Dominant Feminine) that doesn’t want to experience deep intimacy and sexual passion in his/her primary relationship.
There is one thing that you MUST understand and put into action every single day in order to experience sexual passion and intimacy with your significant other (SO).
To know what that is, please keep reading.
It takes two to tango, baby.
Having a DF and DM together in a relationship is what creates Sexual Polarity.
Sexual polarity is the magical energetic force of passion and intimacy that vibrates between the masculine and feminine thus creating the flow of sexual chemistry.
It’s literally like the positive and negative sides of a magnet coming together. They just can’t help themselves, they’ve got to touch.
Now if you are trying to force two positives or two negatives together, they repel each other.
If there are two DM’s or two DF’s together in a relationship, there will be no sexual polarity. You will actually feel sexually repelled.
This is why the force of attraction sometimes fades away in relationships.
If you want REAL and LASTING passion you must have a giver and a receiver, or in other words a DM(-) and an DF(+), otherwise you’ll have two friendly roommates having sex out of duty or avoiding it all together.
If what you’re reading triggers you, read on dear one, we have answers.
If you don’t have sexual polarity it doesn’t mean that you aren’t great friends and you don’t love each other, but it does mean the sexual passion will dissolve if it hasn’t already.
This will eventually lead to the breaking down of your relationship, robbing you of intimacy and sexual expression.
Some people feel okay not having intimacy or sexual connection in their relationship, and for those people this blog probably won’t speak to them.
But for those of you that DO want passion and intimacy in your relationship, you’re definitely in the right place.
Speaking about sex and polarity, that brings to mind the caveman. Bam! Bam!!
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine that said, “I just want my husband to act like a caveman and crack me over the head with his club, drag me into a cave, and TAKE me!”
Now that’s some sexual polarity! Yes it’s true, those caveman moments certainly are exhilarating! LOL
The conversation I had with my friend reminded me of all the ways I see what a goner Jack is when s/he sees me, and I know without a doubt that s/he’s totally captivated and smitten by me being my feminine energy self.
RelationTip # 1: The driving force of the DF is to be captivating.
When I feel captivating (wanted, heard, seen) there’s nothing I can’t do because life feels exciting and hopeful.
When I don’t feel captivating or desirable, life feels like a damn drag. In fact it just sucks!
RelationTip # 2: Captivating your SO is a no-brainer when they’re your polar opposite energy.
RelationTip # 3: Body parts do NOT determine Dominant Energy.
Being my sexy captivating feminine self includes daily self-attention.
I adorn myself.
I love to look tantalizing.
I see my face and body as a canvas of creative expression.
I wear clothes that match my personality.
I love all of the vibrant color and texture I add to my canvas.
I have created my own perfume with sensual oils that I wear every day, and I keep my skin soft with coconut oil.
I LOVE my baths and get to the gym often.
I take pride in being a homemaker, mother and business owner.
Doing these things bring immense joy to me and oh boy is Jack captivated!
Honestly there’s no better feeling than when Jack come home for lunch, and gasps when s/he sees me! Talk about feeling cherished. 😉
What do you do to express your feminine self? What do you adorn yourself with? What are your sacred rituals? Come on, please share with us.
If you haven’t thought about this before, take some time, and think of creative ways to express yourself in your feminine essence.
Nothing is more captivating to the DM than a DF that takes joy in creating beauty and adorning themselves through creative expression.
I would love to hear some of your ideas.
Here’s to another beautiful week of being captivating! Ha!
Now I’m off to make our son’s birthday cake. Happy Birthday, Anders!